Forgiving a day of mind constructs, Life is waiting !

 

I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel overwhelmed and for  living one and equal to overwhelment a day of many events instead of realizing is just because I am not yet stable in my Here application but it gets clearer everyday and I do not need to manifest myself as overwhelment to prove a point of overload,  just need to slow down Breathe ad bring myself back Here in Breath

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I must be attractive before I can go out of the house because by accepting this belief one and equal to me I make myself less than the judgement of men that look at me and I validate and participate in the sex system of this world

I  forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I am less than my ex husband that now lives a fresh “love story” with a woman he recently met and is spending leisurely time on holiday while he still asks me questions about what he should do with his life

I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge myself as ineffective in the reply I gave him and for feeling bad because I did not provide the proper support given that the problem he is asking about is a problem [u]I left behind[/u], my ex helper, because I had mixed feelings between righteouness and spitefulness that I allowed myself to live one and equal to

I forgive myself for allowing myself to live one and equal to righteousness spitefulness and use it as a starting point for a reply

I  forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I had good reasons to get angry at my ex helper 3 weeks ago instead of realizing the only reason in self honesty was that she was no longer devoted to me and that I therefore was no longer interested in her

I forgive myself for allowing myself to manipulate her into thinking that she was wrong and I had plenty good reasons to drop her so I could rid myself of the responsibility that I felt for her because I could not find an effective way to address the problem in self honesty

I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel responsible for her and her life when I have done my part to give her a good life even when I was away and now was just time to let go and make her responsible for her life instead of creating a discussion out of nothing and out of a moment of frustration that I could not manage in Bangkok that needed an outlet

I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in manipulation of others for the purpose of having their devotion making them less than me and just objects that I can dispose of when they no longer display the required level of devotion to boost my ego

I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate one and equal to the desire and need to boost my Ego, instead of realizing the Ego is just a sum of mind constructs I have come to live one and equal to so in letting go there is really nothing to lose but just delusions

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I have done much for my helper instead of looking in self honesty at the very manipulative starting point of the relationship to enslave her and keep her trapped in the affection for me not one and equal but inferior to prove I am superior to hide my extensive sense of inferiority

I forgive myself for allowing myself to use others in self interest

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I have always done what was best for her instead of what was best for me, so I stop the bullshit and will advise my ex husband to help her have what she wants instead of advising him to dump her so I can get what I want in spitefulness of having lost her devotion to him, I take a step back and step on my Ego so that I can allow myself to do what is best for her one and equal to me

I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in ideas of what my ex husband’s new life is like and for coming to the conclusion that for sure it is better than what we had together, because these conclusions I use to belittle myself and make myself smaller than him, instead of realizing that I just don’t know what is going on with his life and so I stop myself projecting my sense of inadequacy onto his new story

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I felt good until I skyped with him, as if there was something wrong with him, instead of realizing I just made myself feel bad by participating in unecessary mind constructs of past present and future with the purpose of blaming him for how I feel instead of taking responsibility

I forgive myself for allowing myself to abuse myself and others with words, thoughts and if I got away with it, deeds too, but I caught myself, in time because now I am watching my mind as an eagle for dishonesties, stopped, corrected my application and take it from here

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I am one and equal to the slight feeling of jealousy that I felt for my ex husband new life, instead I stop all past credits and debits and let him go, freeing him I free myself One and Equal

I forgive myself for allowing myself to sit in judgements of the Thais as a polarity of good people to cover up what I reallly think of them as abusive greedy liars and bastards instead of realizing I am just projecting on them the feelings I have suppressed for myself acting exactly like them and stop the judgement of them because the judgements of them are all just about me, there is only me HERE I better catch up with this

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I am an abusive greedy liar, instead of realizing this is not who I really am, this is just one of my personality suites efficiently designed to take on the system that  have not yet fully realized is ME for fear of having to face what I have allowed and believe to be one and equal to

I forgive myself for allowing myself to want to hang on to my hair because I perceive it as a point of stability, because it’s silky :), and at the moment I don’t know where to hang on to, instead of realizing I don’t need a point from where I can hang, that is inequality, instead I stop judging myself as ineffective in this process because I am not ready to take on this point and accept that I am walking hair or no hair for the time being instead of making it a point of lesser efficiency I then live one and equal to

I forgive myself for allowing myself to tell Adele who offered me support on the topic of drinking that drinking is not my problem, because it begs the question when I drink then whose problem is it? So I blog about it as a point of Equality for others that might be making the same transition from abusive systems to Life and say to myself that I will give myself some time to adjust to a drug and alchool free life, I have taken on the point of Pot effectively,  have had a bad day of suppression this week and drunk a bottle of wine with my food, which is not acceptable, but then  went back to a beer yesterday and a glass of wine today and I make myself Ok with it as long as I do not abuse this point to make myself drunk and use it as an excuse to not walk my process effectively

I forgive myself for allowing myself to watch the video of Bernard about alchool last night and for feeling uneasy about having to realize that alchool is not a support and for feling all my crutches have to go even though at the moment I accept that I am doing pretty well and stop myself from feeling discouraged, I will correct this point within the next two weeks for good

I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear that if I blogged about this I would be told I was not walking effectively and had to go away, instead of realizing this is impossible because I can see in self honesty that I’m making progress and that I am starting what is required to forgive by process, it’s not the life I lived, but the ideas and conclusions I came to believe about myself because of it and since I stand One and Equal there is nowhere else for me to go but Here

I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear blogging about this away from the Forum for fear my ex husband would read about it and judge me for the thoughts I have and participate  in because in this fear I judge him as better than me but he is a system too with a secret mind and as systems I’m no better or worse and as Life I stand one and equal so I will go back and post publicly to help myself and others in living a Life without Shame, I push through the point of Shame because I Know no other way for now in Self Honesty and so I Self direct myself without Fear

I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear the judgement of others for exposing myself instead of realizing I am One and Equal which means others One and Equal might be facing my same points and find support through my walking like I did when I started and could not through my mind understand Process, now the Process is walking with me One and Equal to me and  I stand One and Equal to this gift that  I am receiving participating to set myself free and birth myself as Life into the Physical,  One and Equal to everything that exists

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