We are all familiar with images of happy families, they showed plenty of them to us on TV, in the movies, in theatres, we came to believe they exist in reality too and we were just not lucky enough to get one of our own when we were growing up.
When I was growing up I had an abusive family, my mother was quick with her hands resulting often in unnecessary violence that scared the shit out of me and she was verbally abusive, I lived in constant fear and suppression as I never knew what was going to come next and how to protect myself from ‘so much love’.
I lived in shame as well because my mother was an educated woman and so her behaviour for sure had to do with me having something wrong, being ‘unlovable’ and unacceptable and so I daydreamed about the perfect family that I might one day built from scratch for myself. Of course since we are nothing but programs repeating patterns of beliefs and behaviour, until we stand up and change ourselves releasing our past, that did not come true for me.
Later I realized that most of my friends had abusive families too, some would cover up their shame just like me, some just thought, unlike me, that all families were abusive and just lived with it.
In my family every “episode” of my mother was followed by make up with extensive effusions and confirmations about ‘how much loved I was and did I understand she was doing that for my own good, because it was important that I under-stood, OK?’ , often she would buy me something as well as a balancing act to pacify her sense of guilt for ‘having lost it just one more time’.
Love is the make belief eraser of all wrong doings within family units, when one says “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH’ the world stands still for a moment and we get to feel all warm and fuzzy and good about ourselves and are thus manipulated through emotions and feelings of all sorts while trying to come to terms inside with what LOVE means when abuse is present in the best cases all the way through violence in the worst cases. Love Hurts.
Maybe LOVE is not even real, but just a manipulation tool to pull our strings back into place, exaclty where we are wanted and needed, by the “loving family”. and our ‘loving friends’, wherever the word LOVE is present, deception is present.
Once I grew up I realized there are no happy families except the ones in the movies, reality is made up of lies, deceptions, harmful throughts and words and by the ultimate tool for manipulation LOVE, that all elusive feeling that seems to slip away when we almost had it, until the next time, when it will be taken out of the drawer again and dangled in front of us, to make us do, think, believe that everythig is all right after all, we are LOVED.
I’m coming to terms with the sickening side of “LOVE” as UG Krishnamurti said “Love is a Filthy Word”
because Love is not Real but just Make Belief and because Love implies two, in separation , and everything that exists in separation is not One and Equal and thus NOT REAL.
If you want to understand this reality and drop your illusions to become One and Equal, and to understand what Real Love is as Support for All Life Equally, investigate Desteni research at www.desteni.co.za to change yourself so that the World as a reflection of who we are can change for all Equal and One and no longer be a filthy word but become a Living Word, Equal and One to our commitment to Stand for Equality and what is Best for all.