Tonight during the chat I have experienced frustration, I then went and wrote in on the Forum bu it’s not gone so I see that this point could be assisted with writing why I felt frustrated about the EM chat of tonight.
First I can assist myself with what I tell others on the money forums about the Equal Money System, there is no chance to be able to get this by trying to overlap existing knowledge to make it work, because all previous knowledge I have accumulated and lived into reality was system knowledge and it was designed to make this system work and not designed to be used to bring a new system to life, so one point of frustration is due to inability of apply the knowledge I have to this as if it were just any project and not a world revolution from consciousness to awareness, I can let it rest.
The second point of frustration that I can see that I have spoken to others would be, the airy fairyness of it all, which is connected to the point above because I am used to have schedules and plans and priorities to organize something and here it seems like an orchestra with no director learning to make music at the same pace without a music sheet we can all follow, I keep forgetting we are writing the music sheet through our participation and presence, which is a trial preview of what the world will be when the EMS will be in place, all of us together writing the music sheet we agree to live by, as we go along
Third and this is the most annoying point to write, a point of Mind tantrum, like I wanted to be heard and I felt I was not and I wanted to roll on the floor like children do but instead I stayed at the keyboard and forced myself to not go into the tantrum because I don’t want to live by this point that requires recognition but I want to be an Equal to the others that have let go of their Mind tantrums to participate and stand up for Life and what is best for all as Equals.
And a last point which is I believe I need to see things happening, it’s a bit like the book I am reading where there is the University of Future studies and within this they have outlines of things that have not yet been discovered and therefore only their outline exists, waiting to be filled with matter, with substance, the outline is there and as the days go by substance accumulates as a result of the studies and time people put into focusing on it, basically then I must hate forms without substances, which could be very well another hidden point of self hate, am I not still a form without substance in the process of solidifying into matter ?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to fit my previous knowledge into expectations of how the new Money system should come about because this is all I know at the moment and I don’t yet trust myself that I can exist without prior knowledge on anything, just being Here in breath and expressing myself in Self Honesty
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself to self express without digging up my knowledge to know how I should go about doing that
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that unless something comes through previous knowledge of mine that I can understand and feel comfortable with, then it’s airy fairy stuff with no substance, while what lacks substance is myself when I am not here in Breath in self-expression
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge airy fairy stuff as bad because it lacks substance and so when I judge myself as airy fairy as in not effective I feel bad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a mind tantrum and for suppressing it because I feel infantile and I fear the label of infantile as bad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the label of infantile on others to make them feel bad
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed because I have engaged some of my infantile tantrum traits instead of seeing it’s just a program and I can step out of it through breathing without suppressing myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate outlines without substance one and equal as myself because I don’t see value in something that is coming into life within its own space-time frame and so I do not see value in myself as an outline coming into life within a space-time frame as it would happen in a space-time reality as the one we live in
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see value in myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated at myself because I judged myself as not having handled myself well tonight, instead I stop the judgements of myself, remind myself I am walking a process where I am learning how to cooperate with others not by giving orders but by being one of the Equal players inside an orchestra where all instruments have equal value
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire an orchestra director so I will just have to follow a lead and not stand up and take Equal responsibility for what we are creating as a group
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I fail when I do not live up to my expectations of how I should be if I were dedicated to this process, instead I stop mind projections on how people in process should be to allow everyone and myself equally, space for self expression in self honesty in every moment of Breath.