2012: What has power over me ? My fear of the AfterLife

When I was a kid, the first Death I witnessed was the one of my great grandmother.

I was 5, it was the strangest thing because I had not heard about death prior to that moment and then one day, Death was in the house.

My great grandmother lived in what is the Italian equivalent of ‘the projects’ in America, at the time apartments were built with a common balcony that run around all apartments of the floor and then they shared one toilet in the corner of the common balcony.

When they installed the toilets inside the apartments, a few years before I was born, it was an event, the toilet just had the toilet bowl and the water of a hand-held shower run directly into a hole in the floor.

I remember washing myself inside a basin that was filled with water from the boiling pan in the kitchen/lounge, the apartment had 2 rooms, the kitchen lounge and the bedroom, inside that apartment, during the war, there had been up to 6 people sleeping, all in one bedroom with one double bed and a single bed.

In my money schizophrenic life, I had a grandmother that by the standard of the time, was rich, she lived inside an apartment with 2 bathrooms (where I am actually living at the moment), one huge living room (almost as big as my great grandmother apartment), one big terrace, 4 balconies, one master bedroom and one study room and a livable kitchen, big enough to fit a table.

I did not like to live in my great grandmother house during the week when my mum was working, I liked the comfort of my grandmother home and not the poverty that you could breath inside my great grandmother home.

When she died, as it was customary at the time since she died at home, she was left on the big bed for people to come and visit (?) and pay their respect and say one last goodbye.

I couldn’t get around this story of Death, to me it was obvious that she was now an empty box, whatever was that gave her Life had gone, but I could not understand where did it go.

My mum said she had gone to Heaven, nobody knew where heaven was, which for a kid is confusing, because we are just learning that when you go to a place you must know where it is, instead for what concerned heaven everyone was happy to just point at the sky and say ‘it’s up there’.

I wondered how could Heaven be held up by moving clouds and not be visible, not even in the night, they had to turn on some lights, right ? So why didn’t we see them, why couldn’t they wave or stay in touch, what a way to behave, going away like that, no notice, when you go somewhere you have a schedule, you say your goodbyes and make plans for when you will see each other again, you know when you are going to leave, instead Death had no schedule, one day you were Here and the next you were in Heaven.

My great grandmother was very religious, she went to mass in the morning, every morning, and dragged me along, I did not like the church at all, churches are cold and designed to inspire Fear, everything is huge, the columns, the arches, the paintings of bloody saints and martyrs, beheaded, hanged, it’s definitely not a happy place, churches in Italy are cold even in summer, and all the people sitting and saying the rosary were puzzling, each one started and went at their own pace, mumbling the Hail Mary in latin, if I were God I would have liked specific and unique words to highlight my wondrous creation, not a chorus of boring rosaries, but at the time there was the point of devotion, reciting the rosary was a show of devotion, usually dressed in black, with the head covered and kneeling down.

So, since I was already brainwashed into the Catholic tradition from kinder garden, I knew the requirements to go to Heaven, my great grandmother fit them all, no one was worried about her post-mortem destination.

Still, once they left me alone in the bedroom with the corpse, while they greeted the visiting guests for which there was food to share,  I tried to pull her up, the death thing as a definite was not clear to me, so I whispered to her to stop it, that people in the other room were sad and believing she was no longer here, please pull yourself up. I did not have the strength to pull her up completely, I managed a half sitting position with humongous effort, she was cold and heavy even though she was skinny and frail by the time she died,  and then that point of trying to lift up a very heavy empty box, I could not get over the impression of being around an empty body.

When they came in from the other room, they screamed and shouted, I dropped her down, then explanations followed from my mother about Death, trying to make me understand that when someone dies, they are no longer here.

They sent the casket, put her inside and we went down to follow the funeral, we walked behind the funeral car very slowly, many people had come to see the funeral as she was loved and respected and considered a ‘good devout woman’, my mother was crying, she had been raised by my great grandmother, I understood crying at funeral was appropriate and even demanded, but I could not cry and felt guilty about it, I wanted to feel as sad as my mum, for support,  I even tried to think about sad things with no success, death had not yet hit me personally  as something  sad.

I have seen other 2 corpses in my life, one a friend of my uncle and then my uncle, I have missed all the other deaths of the family due to living abroad, the other 2 corpses I have seen left me with the same feeling, empty boxes.

It was easy for me to believe in Life after death, in a place where all the boxes contents had gone, because I saw it with my own eyes, only the body was buried, the ‘inside’ was no longer there, must have gone somewhere, Heaven was plausible.

I had more troubles with Hell, at one point in my Life I accepted Hell was ‘living in separation from God’, I gave up the flames of hell for the belief in a metaphorical hell of our own creation, I still held on to the belief that God was benevolent, only in my teenage years I was angry and questioned God, but found no sounding boards in Italy and the feedback was always the same, we can’t understand the BIG plan, in the great scheme of things we are insignificant, God has a reason for everything, one day we will understand it all. I gave in, they all believed it and they loved me, it must be so then.

But honestly I embraced this belief because I feared it might not be so, and I had no other explanation that made any sense, around the age of 13 or 14 I discovered there were other religions, WHAT ?? How can there be other religions ? But they reassured me, they have not yet heard of Jesus, only our religion is RIGHT, and they will go to Hell for what they believe. That was another point I had against Hell, why people who had not been blessed like us Roman Catholics to hear about Jesus would have to go to Hell ? How can you be punished for NOT knowing ? Rome was far away from the Middle East, to take just one example, they could not hear the Sunday bells (and all the other days bells), how would they know ?

Many beliefs about the afterlife were weird, I settled for the New Age ones, We are God, I am a Light Worker, Namaste, I salute the divinity in You.

Then I moved to Asia. They believed  really weird stuff !! They believed in the Hungry Ghosts coming to take bodies on a special Month of the lunar calendar, they suggested to not let the kids into the water during that time, body snatching happened more easily inside the water; they believed the afterlife was just like here and that there were days when the doors of this world and the Other World were opened up and gifts could be sent through fire, so a whole industry of paper replicas had developed for the offerings to the Other World,

this included paper money, credit cards, plane tickets, clothes, shoes, houses, mansions, paper maids (and thanks God for that or they would have burnt the Filipino people for real to send them to their ancestors),

of course even in death offerings there was a gap between rich and poor, the poor ones could barely send a paper house, maybe a simple 2 rooms one, the rich ones could send a mansion designed by an architect, the offerings could cost anything from 2 USD dollars to 1000 USD,  they even believed that if you were disabled here you would be disabled There, so they made paper wheelchairs to burn on the offering days. They had many Gods and they bribed them regularly with paper money offerings, The Chinese especially were never hypocritical about Money, they had the God of Wealth at the entrance of every temple because if you were in a rush that was the God you wanted to find the closest, they would kow tow, touching their forehead to the floor, in front of the God, make an offering to the Temple, have the temple keeper bang the drums to let the God know you were there and had paid the entrance fee and then they would detail their request. They believed as well that Heaven was as deceitful as here and as Hell, so everything they sent over they sent it with the specific address tag “Miss Chan…. The Other World”.

This left a big impression on me, this lack of trust was a point that bothered me, if you don’t even trust the Gods because they are spiteful and evil, who can you trust ? What kind of fear did they live with ?

More or less same as mine 🙂

Once I was convinced about the fact that there was in fact nothing clear about the Afterlife, I started to wonder where was the truth, who knew it and why it was not disclosed. What happened to us in the afterlife ?

When I met Desteni and discovered they were channeling dead people, I was not one bit surprised, there they were, the surprise was about what they had to say, in fact it was a shock, such was the shock that as I said in some of my other posts I could not take in on board at the first encounter with Desteni, I fucked around for another 2 years, between Matrix Energetics, Russian teachings of Grabovoi, shamans, healers and then the day that I was clear about having exhausted my options in self fucking (we chatted with my buddy last night and I said, if there was a job for that “experienced self fucker” it would have to be mine !), with the tail between my leg I went back to Desteni and accepted the truth, Self as origin taking responsibility.

I still fear the afterlife, not like before though, now I fear that I will indeed still be there/Here and will have to face what I have not cleared within this lifetime and not the opposite, as Bernard said once, death as in deletion would be a point of Mercy, what I did not get yet is, will we have access to this Mercy, because we have created a merciless world to which we stand One and Equal, will we be Equal to Mercy by the time we cross over ?

Will we have got the point that this is our creation and everything is happening as a consequence of our separation from everything that exists or we will keep the self fucking going to the point of mercilessness ?

One of my good Italian friend that I have introduced to the EMS said to me about Equal Money, “we will have to see if we accept that we deserve such a system” ! And I saw this point clearly, we are abusing ourselves and the world as an outflow of our belief in deserved punishment of ourselves and others, as the score keeping of our demented minds that having forgotten the separation don’t forgive themselves and others as themselves, having for-gotten that there are no others !

This world is our Self Expression, One Self Expression, the sum of our debts, suppressions, fears, beliefs, ideas, yes, crashing, humbling, makes us weep, but we can stand up and let go the ledger as the illusion that is keeping this reality alive, it will take the dropping of our masks, and the dropping of our debts, I have started to drop my debts through Self Forgiveness, so there is one less bookkeeper in the world and we may embrace the solution as the point of Mercy for ourselves and the World, One and Equal.

Let’s correct ourselves now to leave behind a world of No Fear that can be enjoyed by everyone Equally as an expression of who we are as Life and not who we are as a surviving, competing, evil species that is leaving behind a wake of Death and Destruction. This is NOT who we are, time to wake up and review our Lives while alive to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All without having to wait for the Mercy of Death. Imagine the surprise to discover that the real Mercy was in the Physical, within the substance that was always Here standing One and Equal to everything that exists, while we fucked with ourselves in endless time loops in and as our Minds.

Desteni

Equal Money

support the Equal Life Foundation and get yourself a real Education from the ones that have already crossed over, to know what’s happening in the HereAfter at

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2012: Why did I decide to walk with Desteni

I have asked this question to myself several times, especially at the beginning of this process, mainly because I perceived process to be a chore, something that would have taken everything from me in terms of commitment and application, something that, coming from a Catholic, background, I first associated with atonement, penance self-flagellation style and I resisted it with a passion (passion=suffering :)).

The first reason that brought me to Desteni was FEAR, I had developed an utter Fear for this reality realizing that nothing was what it seemed and that the awakening was not at all what it was cracked up to be, the awakening was just waking up to the utter abuse and destruction that was going on in this world, starting from myself.

My first post on the Desteni Forum said “do you people realize how much Fear you are spreading with your message ??”, and I meant it in CAPITAL LETTERS, because this is what I felt when I found them, I had woken up in a reality that was far from Love and Light, I had tried to slide back into my positive thinking stance unsuccessfully and then Desteni, after hearing their message at first I even went to a Shaman, to try to take their message out from me, like a curse, I had been cursed into self responsibility and now the curse – and not my refusal to stand up -was eating up my Life.

In one clear sentence, I moved into Desteni with much resistance, NOT to the message but to the task, I hated the idea of having to become Self responsible, first because I was not even close to believing I could EVER be a Self Responsible being, second because so much of me was invested (and so much money was spent) in support of utter bullshit that made me feel good that I perceived Desteni would be my undoing, in terms of stability, I perceived that while I had always walked the thin line of crazy, if I did join them that would be it, I would turn into a total nutter.

The first reply I got from one of the people on the Forum was ‘ we are NOT spreading Fears, Humanity has been living in fear forever, we are merely pointing this out’, don’t shoot the messenger…

But I knew different, when I would listen to Bernard’s vlogs, his voice scared the shit out of me (only later I saw he literally scared MY fear/shit OUT OF ME), it’s interesting to look back now because I kept going back for more, some of his messages I couldn’t even understand, it was like I lacked a common sense vocabulary to HEAR what he was really saying never mind understanding the purpose of why he was saying what he said in such a passionate way.

I brought my polarity mindset all the way into Desteni, I would listen to Bernard and get scared shitless and utterly terrified and then I would listen to Sunette Spies and find some balance again, it was like the bad cop good cop game, one gave  it to me typhoon style, the other helped me pick up the pieces after the devastation I perceived in the post-Bernard moments, at the time Sunette was almost always expanding on the brief shocking vlogs of Bernard and I found I wanted both, the shock and the leniency of the aftershock.

I pushed myself to go through the material, I had already realized I was a system and many of my studies were in that direction, in fact a specific direction, why a system can’t change, what is the driving force behind all of this existence, because I could actually see myself switching personalities and being driven into action, words, thoughts by them, I was a car at full speed with no one at the driving seat.

Not to talk about Equal Money, in fact at the beginning Equal Money was my biggest bugaboo, I didnt’ understand it, I didn’t see how it could be possible, I just received it as a mere wish to put on my wish list of unattainable things.

One day I read on the Forum ‘you cannot understand Equal Money without Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty’, this too took me a while to place into a contest I could first understand and then experience.

Given my background brainwashing I carried huge resistance for the ‘Self Forgiveness ‘ approach, I read everything offered about it, I tried to clear the Self Forgiveness tool through self forgiveness, but the lists of Self Forgiveness on the Forum looked disturbing, like self-flagellation in action, exposing all of yourself for a life review for which you took the blame, for which you declared how faulty and disgusting you  had been. I joined in, I had my own list to share, it felt humbling and even humiliating at times, I was nowhere close to ‘feeling good’ through process even though by then I had understood that feelings and emotions were polarity expressions of the Mind, I still longed to feel good because ‘feeling good’ had been my driving quest for over 20 years, this was a bit of a hard habit to kick but the freer I become from feelings and emotions the more stable I perceive myself, no longer on the swing from feeling bad to feeling good, what a bloody relief !

It took me a while to understand Self Forgiveness in itself, in general I can say it took me a while to understand the process because it’s only recently that I got it as a point I have actually walked into through self directing myself to just STOP for real, and that’s when I got it and saw some changes because it was never about the blame and about self-flagellation, nope, that was what I was doing before process, it was about standing up and stopping it all, Self Forgiveness  was the delete/reset button of the system, for-giving me back to me from the separation I had allowed and accepted as me, because it was such separation that made me sick and self abusive, because separation implies you don’t want to take back ALL of you into you and correct it, because you still hold extensive judgements about Yourself that you have not yet forgiven, integration and wholeness  cannot happen in self judgement, self forgiveness was the self judgement/others judgement removal tool, it was to clean the slate for real, so I could rewrite on a blank slate who I want to be, what I want to support, what do I stand for.

As well self forgiveness gave me a tool to stop abusing myself and others, a tool that I am still using because as a system much in me is still automated in the process of being corrected, at the beginning of this process I made a few miss-takes, I had just switched polarity, I went from an absolute positive thinker to a lousy negative wreck, looking at myself like if I were the scum of the earth until I realized, I have not yet left the building, the Matrix, it’s about getting out of this construct as me, the Mind, because within the Mind I exist ONLY in polarity, there is no chance for me to wrestle my mind to the ground, I have to embrace me, not what I thought about me, not what I believed about me, but embrace me the thinker, the emotional reactor, embrace the separation until it dissolves and I can equalize myself inside with the outside.

Just recently process has become easier for me, I finally got it, it’s the very opposite of self-flagellation, it’s about stopping the self-flagellation by for-giving myself and from there start to walk self honestly no longer in self-interest but with a leading principle, to consider all existence, One and Equal to myself. I can say looking back that this was what self honesty and self forgiveness did for me, they made me realize how much hate I had for myself, for the way I lived and the words I spoke and my interactions with others, only when I saw it exposed clearly I could begin to stop.

It’s about stop believing that I am more because I feel less or feeling less and then desiring to be more, when I breathe and I am Equal to everything and everyone else, the struggles fall, the mind tantrums stop and I catch a break, and it’s in these breaks that I caught because of what Desteni taught me that I have started to Breathe again. Literally.

The reason why I stuck with them is because even when I was a demented addict I could not discount their message, it’s so simple, give what you would like to receive, embrace all Life as You and you will be All Life, One and Equal, what’s there to NOT SUPPORT in the Message of Equality?

Ultimately I stuck with Desteni because nothing else made sense, if the message doesn’t include Oneness and Equality it  cannot be real, if we are One we must be Equal, if we are Equal we must be One, all the other teachings are just lip service to the religion of self in self-interest and in separation from everything that exists.

So for those drawn to Desteni that fear like I did about what you will lose, what you will have to give up, the answer is NOTHING, NO THING you will give up was ever real, NO THING you will give up was ever useful and best for all, in fact those were the very things that kept us enslaved, separation is a bitch, it’s through separation that we got where we are today, if we had remembered our Oneness and Equality we would have never done to each other what we did.

Some parts of us are struggling and suffering, it doesn’t need to be this way, we can give ourselves back to ourselves to become the whole that is One and Equal to Life, the suffering must stop inside each one of us, the wars, the conflicts, the blame, the hatred, when we begin to realign to what is best for all we stop all delusions of separations and we HEAL and the world Heals one and Equal to us.

Equal Money is just the next common sense step, it was born out of looking for a way to uplift the One and Equal with one strategic common sense move, giving Equal Access to Money, the Living God that grants access to all resources, to everyone Equally, it would be the fastest easiest way to accomplish this because the infrastructures are already in place, it’s the source/value of the Money system that must change, when Money Equals Life and Life becomes the Capital that invests in the planet that’s when real change can happen, profit won’t be based in self-interest anymore, profit will be what each of us will receive for our investment in Life One and Equal, we will all live in abundance and we will be proud of the world we will have built and will leave behind.

Don’t leave Money to your children and your loved Ones, leave them a Better World, that is Real Love in Action that considers the Best for All in Equality and Oneness.

Support the practical solution that will bring all the pieces back together, Stand up for Life One and Equal.

Desteni

Equal Money

Eqafe

2012 The LOA and the Illuminati led me to Desteni

My story of how I came to Desteni is a bit convoluted because I started as a staunch follower of Abraham Hicks and the Law of Attraction and for years I had disciplined myself to ‘think positively’ and to repress and suppress the negative thoughts – because they never really, went away, buggers – and I used Pot as well to push them down deeper because I wanted so much to believe the story that the Universe is a loving place and we were given an emotional guidance system as a sign of such loving force.

I had to battle a few common sense questions at the beginning which were: if this is the Truth of reality, why doesn’t everybody know about it, why is it a Secret, why don’t we teach it in school and now to the hungry people so they can get food and whatever they need ?

Through ‘my belief’ in the Law of attraction I had some success, at least I believed it was because of the LOA and not by my personal investment, obviously the system is designed to reward happy slaves and not grumpy ones, so by my ‘forced happiness’ I managed to get myself good jobs and a good life while I kept at bay all my friends with a ‘negative attitude’ in fear to be contaminated and having to lose the touch of Grace that I had with much struggle, built for myself.

This was another point that I questioned about existence, it seemed to me that everyone had had traumatized  lives, when everyone would participate in what Carolyn Miss defined as woundology, the wounds of the others never seemed so much better than mine, so this other question of an existence of suffering was something I suppressed because I could not find a logical answer to this, why would a loving Universe have people born and traumatized, really, what was the point that I was missing ?

The teachings of Abraham anyway always made sense to me, I made them make sense because they did  in fact make me feel better, by uplifting me out of my own responsibility for this world, One and Equal to me, I embraced the belief that we all came to experience something Here in a kind of  ‘Game’  just to have all the views and first hand experiences  of existence first hand so to speak and that was it, then back to Heaven.

Four years ago I left my well paid job in Asia and went to live on a tropical island in Thailand, I had two main objectives, one was to heal myself from my crippling addiction and underlying never died depression for which I self medicated with Pot, the other was to understand reality, as well I said to myself, now that I had mastered the LOA I would multiply my money and then I would be free to do whatever I wanted, I wasn’t a bit interested in ‘other people’s experience’ because as Abraham said, their life is ‘their Pie’ never mind what other people decide to put in ‘their Pie’, you mind  your own Pie’, and so I -conveniently- did.

Of all of the Abraham teachings only one thing stood out for me one day, when Abraham said that when we desire something it’s already there 99% of it, we just need to align to make the 1% missing step to get it. This puzzled me extensively because I saw that, if this was true, what did He mean ? But he had explained that what he meant was that the Universe knew better than us what we truly wanted and had already prepared it there for us, we just had to align with it. Still, this sentence stood out of all the teachings as an ‘anomaly’.

When I was on the island I quit Pot and relapsed and quit and relapsed and went on like this for 3 years, every time I relapsed I fell harder into oblivion, it was clear that I had engaged a self destruct mechanism somehow and I just wouldn’t let it go, I wrote lists of my excuses to smoke Pot, did chanting, went on  marijuana Anonymous Forums, took a drug coach from the UK for guidance but the Pot call was always the strongest, I didn’t want to exist, I longed to obliterate myself into non-existence as soon as I could, no matter how many ‘positive thoughts’ I indulged in a day, the hole was always there, ready to swallow me.

This hole was like a black spiral, when I was a kid I faced it every night just before falling asleep, I would feel myself slip away spiralling into the black hole and many times I had to open my eyes and grab the bed trying to not give in to the feeling of being sucked into nothingness.  Me and the black hole had become quite close quite soon in my life experience.

So, during my stay on the dream island I set out to study,  I studied everything I could find on addictions, molecular nutrition, theories about vitamin deficiencies, the unconventional routes and the very unconventional ones, I listened to all the channelers to see if anyone had any clue of why I was such a wreck, At one point I bumped into Bashar as well who said ‘that everything you may think of or desire already exists somewhere’, oh boy, there we went again, so now the doubt of this existence as a maze in which I could only pretend to move and make choices came up again, if I wasn’t really free to think up something or imagine it from scratch because it already existed, where was my creative power all these love and light channelers were bragging about ? Then I was not a creator, I was a human magnet, attracting to myself experiences already thought up and designed in detail by someone else, while others, the poor bastards – as one of my friends boss used to call the ‘ less fortunate’ -, they would have to take the crumbles of our first class choices.

Polarity bothered me, when they introduced the concept of the Quantum Field, where everyone saw this amazing infinite creative power, I saw the limitation of a field, a cosmic soccer field, where everyone was kicking each other around,  limited by the definition of ‘field’  itself, a field cannot be infinite come-on, you can have a very big field, an extremely big field a gigantic field but not, ever, an infinite one, infinity cannot be defined by a field because it’s infinite = not  finite !

Meanwhile wasted time went on, I was using up my money because I was sure I could manifest truckloads being I was soo positive, I would say the right words to everyone at all times, but there was a piece missing about my interaction with others which was my secret mind I could say ‘you look lovely’ and leave out the ‘BITCH” part that went on in my head, in fact the more I wanted to be positive and see only the good, the more my backchat became vicious, I was ashamed of the thoughts that went on in my mind but consoled myself thinking that everyone had them, it was normal, important is to not engage them suppress them deep enough –    which is  like trying to wrestle a thought into the ground for the win, an impossible feat – and you will be fine.

The money wasn’t manifesting though, this was annoying because I had gone to the tropical island with much fanfare about my manifesting a grand future for myself, instead I was living like a shameful recluse pissing my money away and drowning deeper and deeper into my Pot addiction with no solution in sight.

At that time I spent extensive hours on the net, mainly because I was unable to do anything else except going for treatments to all  the island healers trying to keep my elusive balance just enough to be able to exist.

I bumped onto a video of Sunette/Desteni the first time 3 years ago, it was about Demons, it scared the shit out of me and I felt sorry for this girl/boy who was obviously possessed, and moved on.

My researches led me to see that there was something terribly wrong going on with the world that I had never noticed in the years I was away on the Love and Light Cloud, I discovered that cancer cures were suppressed , that our water was fluorinated not for good health but as a poison, that the mercury in our teeth was poisonous to the brain, that the GMO foods whose life cycle chains had been broken lacked nutrition, that sugar and aspartame affected the brain, that vaccines were deliberately contaminated, all of these things came up one after the other until the picture of this world looked so bleak that I wanted to die. it was not just the story, it was the thought that someone BIG must have thought up and designed a sort of  plan against humanity, because these could not be coincidences, one can poison the water by mistake, but not everything we have to use daily including the air, it was the deliberateness of it all that felt disheartening, what had humanity come to for Money ?

While I kept watching you tube for answers each point I opened was worse than the previous one and then I bumped onto a video called ‘who killed Michael Jackson’, it kept coming up until one day I watched it.

That video opened up the whole Illuminati New World story, the satanic worshipping, human sacrifices of children by the Elite, Satan in the Vatican, the Secret Societies, slowly I was paralyzed by fear , because when the story of MK Ultra and Mind Control and Michael Tsarion opened up, I still believed it was about other people out there, people they had access to, the Army, Hollywood, pawns used to harm and deceive but still the magnitude of the design left me feeling minute and powerless and alone, who the fuck would believe this and why is this going on while we are sleeping, why are we sleeping ? Are alcohol and Pot just some other sleeping tools, least we wake up and see how far we have gone into self-destruction and destruction of everything around us ?

At that point another video of Sunette popped up, it was the channeling of Anton Lavey, I had just read about him, because by that point it was clear to me, we were in Hell and nobody knew, better check with the demons worshippers and demons channelers to see what the fuck is going on.

When I watched the first video of Sunette that I could follow to the end,  I realized while she talked about breathing that I could barely breathe, it took me some time to overcome the initial shock and many videos to overcome the Fear because the puzzle completes only ‘when you watch whole of the damn material’, until then the pieces here and there can add to the confusion and to the feeling of hopelessness of this design (so watch the whole damn material before making up your mind).

I had understood that the Matrix was real, not a loving Matrix like the people of Matrix Energetics teach, nope, it was a terrifying web of deceit and lies, everything that I had learnt in my life was a Lie, this was quite a hard story to swallow.

It took me a few months to stabilize, I am quite new to the process but I can say that without this process and the information Desteni provided I would have died either of shame or of Fear or both.

Instead I managed to quit my Pot addiction using Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty and walking this process supporting myself with the example of others that had walked before me and had made it out of their self-destructive behaviours. I am working every day at stopping my participation within me as the Mind and stopping my reactions and blame games by bringing what bothers me back to myself as something I need to address by digging into the root cause of the design to deprogram myself. And I am learning to Breathe, would you believe that we can’t Breathe until someone comes along and points it out to us. I had never really breathed until I met Desteni, never breathed as Me as Breath.

Now I have learnt that all that exists is Self and I am learning how to bring back all the pieces of this broken world to me as me and give myself back to myself, obviously along the way into our creation we made a few miss-takes and we ended up in this pit of suffering and abuse in which we walk around like amnesiacs in a stupor. But we can correct our miss takes by becoming One again, and from that Oneness learn to give Equally to all the parts of ourselves that we have neglected and abused in our race to be winners and in our search for happiness as an experience of ourselves in separation from the whole. This is why we endorse an Equal Money System, in one single agreement we could undo our miss-taken stance of separation, with one true real act of compassion for all the parts of Self we would create heaven on Earth for everyone. This takes a while to see, at the beginning of my process I couldn’t even talk about it, it was just so far away from who I was, I had to close the gap between me the problem and me the solution to be able to see Equal Money=Equality as the solution, to see myself no longer as a wreck but a piece of the solution.

I can say is that I am glad I have found Desteni, I know others will walk the same slippery slope of the Illuminati and the New Wold and feel extensive Fear in separation from what exists Here, what I can say is that when we take back the responsibility of this creation the Fears diminish, the Fears are just bells that re-mind us we can’t have our cake and eat it, we can’t believe we are separate and get a good dandy life, because in separation there is misery and suffering and desire to self-abuse and to abuse others in self-interest.

There is only one road back Home, it’s Oneness and Equality, since I met Desteni I don’t feel as lonely as I used to yet I know I am alone and All One and it’s OK, since I met Desteni my Life is no longer a string of sad stories but a realization, that I can make it back Home because Home is Here, I was the one who left to go somewhere else, off into my Mind Make beliefs and fears, going Home is not a destination but a realization, it’s the Here-ness we left behind where all Life has always existed One and Equal.

Here never moved, Here never left, Here is where Life is and I will myself to be Here as Life, Breath by Breath, One and Equal to everything that exists for myself and All existence Equal and One.

Desteni

Equal Money System

What is Sex ? Self Expression or Disturbed Role-playing ?

What is Sex ?

My personal experience with Sex has been quite borderline, when I was a teenager I felt I HAD to become sexually active believing that sexually active people were the ‘real adults’ and that when I would be a ‘real adult’ I wold finally have the freedom I was seeking.
Which did not happen.
My first sexual experience was disappointing, it felt like a duty carried out while I tried to fit some mental picture of myself based on the pornographic images I had seen of people having sex. I had found out early that if I looked carefully enough I could find porno in every single Italian home of friends or relatives, there was what we believed to be a ‘sex revolution’ taking place but it was not, it was a porn evolution of our sexuality, from suppressed physical expression to fully expressed and heavily distorted mental expression.
That did not feel freeing either, I had just moved from one desire “to have sex’ to the desire to ‘have sex in a certain way’, obsessing about it occasionally and felt driven to play a part instead of relaxed enough to express myself to just end up exhausted with a feeling of emptiness, like as if I had sex with a vacuum cleaner.
Sex ultimately was never a pleasant experience, it never felt whole, I never felt whole.
What was your experience with sex and why do we seem to ‘be driven’ to have sex and to cultivate a sexual personality to wear immediately prior sex to seduce and entice and inside the bed while playing copycat to pornostars that set unattainable sexual standards of penetrations and acrobatics ?
How come sex and pornography seem to have been pushed to the extreme in the last decade and who is pushing and why ?

Learn more about yourself and why you do the things you do at

Desteni.org

Eqafe.org

Why and how and for what purpose sex became part of the creation-design of the Human-Race

Individual Interview’s Description:

What is Sex – Part One
Did you know that Sex was a deliberate system-creation of and as consciousness dependent on the physical human body to function and exist?

What is Sex – Part Two
Did you know that sexual stimulation from forms, colours and energies evolved with the evolution of consciousness through and as the human?

What is Sex- Part Three
Find out how and why we access quantum-time within and during Sex and what happens in the moment of Orgasm.

What is Sex – Part Four
Find-out how we change, alter and form the human physical body through the Mind and the role that Sex played in the functioning of ourselves, humanity, the heavens and existence as a whole.

What is Sex? – Part Five
Do you know what happened to the Energy of the Orgasm one experience(d) during Sex and where that Energy was directed to within self and the world and why?

What is Sex? – Part Six
Find out how the Unified Consciousness Field – interacted with the Mind and Sex to develop human-(d)evolution.

How were we created ? God, Universe, Matrix ? Ready for the Truth ?

Have you ever wondered what is the Truth about our creation ?

Haven’t you found strange that such a simple fact seems to have been interpreted in so many different ways ?

Why isn’t there 1 truth about our Creation that we all share, no matter where we were born ?

Can the Truth be Geographically biased or impaired and therefore more True in some places than in others ?

Some people believe in Adam and Eve and the 7 days creation, some in a giant turtle holding the world while floating in space, some in the Universe, some are Evolutionists.

If there was 1 Creation how can we have so many myths about it, why not 1 similar story we all share across cultures ?

Are we the image and likeness of a loving Creator in a world where suffering and famine and abuse rule supreme ?

What if  we were just pawns in a giant Matrix design ?

Was the Creation story deliberately withheld from Humanity and if so why ?

If you are looking for real answers you’ll find everything you have ever wondered about at our Equality Space, time to Stand up for Life,  join us.

Desteni.org

Eqafe

The Structural Resonance was a mathematical geometrically equated structural design which manifested as the systems which beings had become.

Veno explains: What is structural resonance and how are you able to assist yourself, working with it?

This video-series consists of 9 video-interviews:

  1. The design of humans by Annunaki and other races
  2. The development of unconscious, subconscious and conscious mind
  3. Relationships and subconscious mind development
  4. Conscious mind development and system parasites
  5. Mind-control, implants and preprogrammed life
  6. The conscious mind, thoughts and personality activation
  7. Relationships and subconscious mind development
  8. The secret of self-support
  9. The secret of self-direction

Why do we Fear Self Honesty ?

I was evaluating the possibility of furthering my education in management and have been looking into the Kaizen system and I was led to this site on lean management where I found this article

“The Psychology of Lean Management

By : Michael Ballé

When was the last time you remember thinking “I was wrong about this”? Yesterday? Last week? Never? Let’s conduct a short thought experiment: force yourself to think of an instance, any instance, where you were clearly wrong. How does it feel? Are you already lining up the mitigating circumstances (anyone would have done the same in this situation / that’s who I am)? Or the upsides (in the end, it’s a good thing that I was wrong because I’ve learned / cleared the air/ made things move, etc.)? If you are, don’t worry: this is perfectly normal and a sign of sanity. Only the clinically depressed are truly honest about themselves.

Psychology-lean-management

I found this astonishing, the last sentence a revelation about a point I am facing regarding my walk of self honesty to see and point out to myself what I need to address in self for-giveness to give myself back to myself so I can start to rewrite myself in alignment with what is best for All.

The reason why I found this quote particularly disturbing is that I like to believe that many are not aware of being dishonest, I prefer this view of the world, I find it a sort of comfort to think that I am a liar and a cheater by my own design and admission but there are others that are not, the world is not as bad as me after all, there is still hope.

This point is particularly relevant because I have been struggling to write lately while I can see I should instead push myself through this point because just in the sentence above I see so many things worth looking at about myself.

First, my desire to still hang on to delusions about the inherent goodness of humanity, this one is a hard one to die as I had made this point a big justification flag for myself and others to not have to change by accepting and allowing within me the beLIEf that we were all good at heart and just got mislead by our history, life, past relationship, culture and religion and within this accepting and allowing myself to believe that change for humankind is actually out of the question, supporting with this mine and others inability to change.

Second the point that I am a liar and a cheater but others are not, they are better than me and this stems for sure from my past acceptance of the catholics beliefs of us sinners of which just recently I heard again one of the prayers we were taught that said ‘My lord, I am not worthy to sit at your table, but if you say just one word I will be saved’, we repeated this bullshit by heart so many times, every day as it was part of our education, so we allowed and accepted ourselves  to believe in ourselves as not only less than the Lord, a belief that I moved with ease from Heaven to earth as every time i heard someone name preceded by ‘Lord’ I would take a step down in the human ladder to make space for the worthy ones, but I believed as well that my words were powerless, which then led me to use them uselessly and carelessly causing much harm while I dwelled in my self-appointed lower rings of the Heavenly and Human race.

Third my desire for hope, I wish I still had some, even now that I realize it is useless it was a good feeling word, I miss the good solace I took for myself from the useless words I invested of the power to uplift me from my self-created misery, I miss love as well, the word charge that is no longer there, the pictures I could sum up in my mind to depict the ultimate state of grace, I am going through a phase of lack of sense in opposition to my more habitual sense of lack.

This article that I found opened up a huge point, which is, not only humanity as a whole is aware of its own dishonesty, systems of management have been written specifically to manage this point, so our acceptance and allowance of our inability to change our devious ways has become an external system of management, we manage our inability to change, basically we have long given up on ourselves and found ways to just cope with what we have allowed and accepted ourselves to believe we are, talk about self-respect, that one must have gone much earlier than our efforts to manage our diminished selves were put in place, if we ever had any to begin with.

If we have come to the conclusion that we are hopeless and unable to change, the last sentence of the paragraph I quoted makes total sense, we came to this conclusion: when you are self dishonest ” If you are, don’t worry: this is perfectly normal and a sign of sanity. Only the clinically depressed are truly honest about themselves.”.

So basically, what I am trying so desperately to avoid when I resist writing is to go into that place, the place of insanity where self honesty lives that makes people ‘clinically depressed’ , because I fear mental problems, because there have been undiagnosed mental problems in my family, because my mother was clinically depressed outside of a clinic and she had a pretty clear view, almost self honest about herself, and because I fear depression, I fear self honesty because I have accepted and allowed myself to connect self honesty to depression.

So, why are the self honest people ‘clinically depressed’ ?

Because in self honesty we have to look at this world, at our creation and no longer having any tangible proof of a messy or merciful God, we’ll have to admit we have done this, we have created this mess and now we rather lie and cheat than admit it and face it because we extensively fear facing our own creation.

Pity we miss out on the point that the burden of responsibility has another face, which is the power to change, the power to decide that if I have created all this, I can change it, I don’t need to be depressed about it, because I was depressed until now and this is exactly what I was lying about, I lied about the fact that everything was good and dandy when it was not, I lied to myself about inequality being just the way the system works instead of asking myself the uncomfortable questions that ended up leading me to Desteni to discover An inconvenient Truth.

But then again, a truth that is inconvenient means nothing, means only that is just no longer convenient to uphold, it was convenient for me when I was looking for the buzz of the good feeling trip through the world, but now that I have given up the importance of good or bad feelings and emotions (not the practice completely but walking toward it) I no longer need the convenience of a Truth that is not True.

The truth is we are Creators, no matter what role we are apparently playing in this world, we are all Equally responsible for it, we say that Equality doesn’t exist yet on this planet but in fact it exists already in our common shared responsibility for our creation, it exists because we and our creation are both Here, waiting to meet, we are already Equal in responsibility, we just need to acknowledge that to become Equal in the Power to change it and then the step to Equality on Earth won’t seem so far away to walk anymore.

Equal Quality for All Life = E-Quality, when Equality will become a manifested reality we’ll have to rewrite our management systems to match the Human Beings we will become, if we take away the controls we had to design to overcome our dishonest nature, which now constitute up  to 60% of the Lean Management theory, we will be left  with a real Lean management practice !

We can change, we can decide to stand up for Life and realign to What is best for All, because what is Best for All is ultimately best for each one of us !

If you are interested in understanding more of what we are doing at Desteni, visit our website at

Desteni.org

support the Equal Life Foundation and an Equal Money System at

Equalmoney.org

To learn how we were created and then created ourselves into what we are today check out

The Structural Resonance was a mathematical geometrically equated structural design which manifested as the systems which beings had become.

Veno explains: What is structural resonance and how are you able to assist yourself, working with it?

This video-series consists of 9 video-interviews:

  1. The design of humans by Annunaki and other races
  2. The development of unconscious, subconscious and conscious mind
  3. Relationships and subconscious mind development
  4. Conscious mind development and system parasites
  5. Mind-control, implants and preprogrammed life
  6. The conscious mind, thoughts and personality activation
  7. Relationships and subconscious mind development
  8. The secret of self-support
  9. The secret of self-direction


The secrets of the Mayans revealed with Equal Money

We have been told that the world will end on the 21st December 2012, on the Winter Solstice, because the Mayan said so on their Calendar, actually more precisely because the Mayan calendar itself ends with the winter Solstice day which is 21st December of 2012.

First, the people who have in the past studied such subjects and subsequently spread their findings and subjective interpretations, have done so to a very selected number of people, the ones who had the money to attend such extravagant, useless conferences.

I don’t intend to put knowledge down per se, what I am stating is that knowledge that it’s by its very nature Elitist, will no longer exists under an Equal Money System.

I define the Knowledge and study of the Mayan calendar as Elitist for a simple reason, only people with enough money to pay for such knowledge and enough time (=Money) to wonder about such things have delved into Mayan or esoteric studies, whose practicality was close to none if not working out a belief system of Hope in a brighter future that would prevent us from facing reality and what is Here and make the necessary changes.

When you are starving you won’t give a shit about the Mayan Calendar, will you ? And if you make 3 dollars a day working like a slave in a third world country to uphold the CONSUMPTION of our Consumerism society you would have to save for 30 years to have enough to attend one of such fancy conferences and would you care anyway ?

If we call ourselves Humane and we know that the world is in the condition it is now, honestly, who gives a shit about the Mayan calendar and what it might have said about 2012, we could have just waited and see and then worked the knowledge backward if we still found the need to do so, while we busied and willed ourselves to take practical action to stop this system of inequalities where for some the daily problems are about getting the food and water to survive and not sitting cross-legged in a heavenly room with heavenly people watching heavenly drawings of an imaginary past and future, just to dream that on 2012 something will magically just shift into place, a place that we have been unwilling to build while we wandered off in our Minds into Mayan conjunctures about ‘what did they really mean’ ?

Because seriously, unless this knowledge is useful for the problems at hands why are we wasting our time while half of the world struggles and suffers ?

So Elitist knowledge of such kind will no longer exist within an Equal Money System, first because there will no longer be an Elite, as the word Equals implies, we will all be the Elite and as such the Elite and Elitarian knowledge will become Equality and Oneness and Equal knowledge for all, since learning a subject of interest will no longer be determined by the money it costs, but by the usefulness and practicality of the information involved.

Knowledge that is designed to have people wander off in their heads about a better future and a time of Enlightenment, will no longer be desired, because once you have Heaven on Earth, will we really care why the Mayan kept their calendar to track time or we would all be just too busy living Here, enjoying one another and experiencing Life One and Equal for All ?

So, knowledge and how we perceive knowledge will change within a new monetary system, esoteric knowledge and secret knowledge will no longer exist, because have a look, esoteric knowledge too was designed to give some an upper hand regarding how to manipulate an illusory system of energy for self-interest and to avoid the consequences of one’s words and actions and divert them onto someone else, who says that the ones suffering now deserve it, that they are playing out their own karma, what if they were playing out our own karma, what if we did within secret knowledge found ways to divert the con-sequences of our existence onto someone else, a clear example the Law of Attraction, what if the half of the world that struggles and suffers is doing so, so we may continue living our privileged lives without a care in the world ?

Therefore, any secret knowledge that won’t be for the purpose of benefiting All Equally will just disappear, and the secret knowledge we should have know about, like who we are and where we came from and why will simply be revealed to All, we won’t have secrets anymore, of any kind, knowledge will be a tool for All to become equally educated which doesn’t mean that one will not have choices in the matter of their education, but the choices will be among subjects that stand  for individuality in Oneness and Equality within the principle of what is best for All.

For what we know the Mayan might have run out of rock, they might have run out of ideas, out of vision, out of time, they might have miscalculated how big the rock should have been for how far they wanted to record time, they might have decided that a calendar they could have used for 2000 years was good enough, they would make the new one in 2012 for another 2000 years, considering now we make a yearly one, they were ahead of us in fore-thinking  about not wasting and building things that would last, so isn’t everything we spread about the Mayan just a speculation, a way to keep ourselves busy, hoping that something will change, that we shall be saved by an external event, that we just have to sit and wait, keep doing whatever it is we justify as acceptable because there is this holy deadline to look forward to, that’s it, 2012 will do it for us, whatever it is that in self honesty we can see we should be doing can be postponed until then.

When 2012 will come and go, and we will find we are still stuck Here, freaking Mayans what did they mean only-god-knows, at that point, will we be willing to stand up for Life and make the necessary changes to realign to what is best for All, or will we dig up some more bullshit from 2000 years ago to justify why we are waiting for someone to come and save us ?

Stand up for Life now, spare yourself the disappointment of the Winter Solstice of 2012, Breathe, Earth yourself to Stop desiring to be saved and save yourself and the world with you, One and Equal.

For a Life of Equals and No More Secrets or Secret Knowledge join us, Change Yourself to Change the World with

Desteni

Equalmoney

Equafe