2012 The LOA and the Illuminati led me to Desteni

My story of how I came to Desteni is a bit convoluted because I started as a staunch follower of Abraham Hicks and the Law of Attraction and for years I had disciplined myself to ‘think positively’ and to repress and suppress the negative thoughts – because they never really, went away, buggers – and I used Pot as well to push them down deeper because I wanted so much to believe the story that the Universe is a loving place and we were given an emotional guidance system as a sign of such loving force.

I had to battle a few common sense questions at the beginning which were: if this is the Truth of reality, why doesn’t everybody know about it, why is it a Secret, why don’t we teach it in school and now to the hungry people so they can get food and whatever they need ?

Through ‘my belief’ in the Law of attraction I had some success, at least I believed it was because of the LOA and not by my personal investment, obviously the system is designed to reward happy slaves and not grumpy ones, so by my ‘forced happiness’ I managed to get myself good jobs and a good life while I kept at bay all my friends with a ‘negative attitude’ in fear to be contaminated and having to lose the touch of Grace that I had with much struggle, built for myself.

This was another point that I questioned about existence, it seemed to me that everyone had had traumatized  lives, when everyone would participate in what Carolyn Miss defined as woundology, the wounds of the others never seemed so much better than mine, so this other question of an existence of suffering was something I suppressed because I could not find a logical answer to this, why would a loving Universe have people born and traumatized, really, what was the point that I was missing ?

The teachings of Abraham anyway always made sense to me, I made them make sense because they did  in fact make me feel better, by uplifting me out of my own responsibility for this world, One and Equal to me, I embraced the belief that we all came to experience something Here in a kind of  ‘Game’  just to have all the views and first hand experiences  of existence first hand so to speak and that was it, then back to Heaven.

Four years ago I left my well paid job in Asia and went to live on a tropical island in Thailand, I had two main objectives, one was to heal myself from my crippling addiction and underlying never died depression for which I self medicated with Pot, the other was to understand reality, as well I said to myself, now that I had mastered the LOA I would multiply my money and then I would be free to do whatever I wanted, I wasn’t a bit interested in ‘other people’s experience’ because as Abraham said, their life is ‘their Pie’ never mind what other people decide to put in ‘their Pie’, you mind  your own Pie’, and so I -conveniently- did.

Of all of the Abraham teachings only one thing stood out for me one day, when Abraham said that when we desire something it’s already there 99% of it, we just need to align to make the 1% missing step to get it. This puzzled me extensively because I saw that, if this was true, what did He mean ? But he had explained that what he meant was that the Universe knew better than us what we truly wanted and had already prepared it there for us, we just had to align with it. Still, this sentence stood out of all the teachings as an ‘anomaly’.

When I was on the island I quit Pot and relapsed and quit and relapsed and went on like this for 3 years, every time I relapsed I fell harder into oblivion, it was clear that I had engaged a self destruct mechanism somehow and I just wouldn’t let it go, I wrote lists of my excuses to smoke Pot, did chanting, went on  marijuana Anonymous Forums, took a drug coach from the UK for guidance but the Pot call was always the strongest, I didn’t want to exist, I longed to obliterate myself into non-existence as soon as I could, no matter how many ‘positive thoughts’ I indulged in a day, the hole was always there, ready to swallow me.

This hole was like a black spiral, when I was a kid I faced it every night just before falling asleep, I would feel myself slip away spiralling into the black hole and many times I had to open my eyes and grab the bed trying to not give in to the feeling of being sucked into nothingness.  Me and the black hole had become quite close quite soon in my life experience.

So, during my stay on the dream island I set out to study,  I studied everything I could find on addictions, molecular nutrition, theories about vitamin deficiencies, the unconventional routes and the very unconventional ones, I listened to all the channelers to see if anyone had any clue of why I was such a wreck, At one point I bumped into Bashar as well who said ‘that everything you may think of or desire already exists somewhere’, oh boy, there we went again, so now the doubt of this existence as a maze in which I could only pretend to move and make choices came up again, if I wasn’t really free to think up something or imagine it from scratch because it already existed, where was my creative power all these love and light channelers were bragging about ? Then I was not a creator, I was a human magnet, attracting to myself experiences already thought up and designed in detail by someone else, while others, the poor bastards – as one of my friends boss used to call the ‘ less fortunate’ -, they would have to take the crumbles of our first class choices.

Polarity bothered me, when they introduced the concept of the Quantum Field, where everyone saw this amazing infinite creative power, I saw the limitation of a field, a cosmic soccer field, where everyone was kicking each other around,  limited by the definition of ‘field’  itself, a field cannot be infinite come-on, you can have a very big field, an extremely big field a gigantic field but not, ever, an infinite one, infinity cannot be defined by a field because it’s infinite = not  finite !

Meanwhile wasted time went on, I was using up my money because I was sure I could manifest truckloads being I was soo positive, I would say the right words to everyone at all times, but there was a piece missing about my interaction with others which was my secret mind I could say ‘you look lovely’ and leave out the ‘BITCH” part that went on in my head, in fact the more I wanted to be positive and see only the good, the more my backchat became vicious, I was ashamed of the thoughts that went on in my mind but consoled myself thinking that everyone had them, it was normal, important is to not engage them suppress them deep enough –    which is  like trying to wrestle a thought into the ground for the win, an impossible feat – and you will be fine.

The money wasn’t manifesting though, this was annoying because I had gone to the tropical island with much fanfare about my manifesting a grand future for myself, instead I was living like a shameful recluse pissing my money away and drowning deeper and deeper into my Pot addiction with no solution in sight.

At that time I spent extensive hours on the net, mainly because I was unable to do anything else except going for treatments to all  the island healers trying to keep my elusive balance just enough to be able to exist.

I bumped onto a video of Sunette/Desteni the first time 3 years ago, it was about Demons, it scared the shit out of me and I felt sorry for this girl/boy who was obviously possessed, and moved on.

My researches led me to see that there was something terribly wrong going on with the world that I had never noticed in the years I was away on the Love and Light Cloud, I discovered that cancer cures were suppressed , that our water was fluorinated not for good health but as a poison, that the mercury in our teeth was poisonous to the brain, that the GMO foods whose life cycle chains had been broken lacked nutrition, that sugar and aspartame affected the brain, that vaccines were deliberately contaminated, all of these things came up one after the other until the picture of this world looked so bleak that I wanted to die. it was not just the story, it was the thought that someone BIG must have thought up and designed a sort of  plan against humanity, because these could not be coincidences, one can poison the water by mistake, but not everything we have to use daily including the air, it was the deliberateness of it all that felt disheartening, what had humanity come to for Money ?

While I kept watching you tube for answers each point I opened was worse than the previous one and then I bumped onto a video called ‘who killed Michael Jackson’, it kept coming up until one day I watched it.

That video opened up the whole Illuminati New World story, the satanic worshipping, human sacrifices of children by the Elite, Satan in the Vatican, the Secret Societies, slowly I was paralyzed by fear , because when the story of MK Ultra and Mind Control and Michael Tsarion opened up, I still believed it was about other people out there, people they had access to, the Army, Hollywood, pawns used to harm and deceive but still the magnitude of the design left me feeling minute and powerless and alone, who the fuck would believe this and why is this going on while we are sleeping, why are we sleeping ? Are alcohol and Pot just some other sleeping tools, least we wake up and see how far we have gone into self-destruction and destruction of everything around us ?

At that point another video of Sunette popped up, it was the channeling of Anton Lavey, I had just read about him, because by that point it was clear to me, we were in Hell and nobody knew, better check with the demons worshippers and demons channelers to see what the fuck is going on.

When I watched the first video of Sunette that I could follow to the end,  I realized while she talked about breathing that I could barely breathe, it took me some time to overcome the initial shock and many videos to overcome the Fear because the puzzle completes only ‘when you watch whole of the damn material’, until then the pieces here and there can add to the confusion and to the feeling of hopelessness of this design (so watch the whole damn material before making up your mind).

I had understood that the Matrix was real, not a loving Matrix like the people of Matrix Energetics teach, nope, it was a terrifying web of deceit and lies, everything that I had learnt in my life was a Lie, this was quite a hard story to swallow.

It took me a few months to stabilize, I am quite new to the process but I can say that without this process and the information Desteni provided I would have died either of shame or of Fear or both.

Instead I managed to quit my Pot addiction using Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty and walking this process supporting myself with the example of others that had walked before me and had made it out of their self-destructive behaviours. I am working every day at stopping my participation within me as the Mind and stopping my reactions and blame games by bringing what bothers me back to myself as something I need to address by digging into the root cause of the design to deprogram myself. And I am learning to Breathe, would you believe that we can’t Breathe until someone comes along and points it out to us. I had never really breathed until I met Desteni, never breathed as Me as Breath.

Now I have learnt that all that exists is Self and I am learning how to bring back all the pieces of this broken world to me as me and give myself back to myself, obviously along the way into our creation we made a few miss-takes and we ended up in this pit of suffering and abuse in which we walk around like amnesiacs in a stupor. But we can correct our miss takes by becoming One again, and from that Oneness learn to give Equally to all the parts of ourselves that we have neglected and abused in our race to be winners and in our search for happiness as an experience of ourselves in separation from the whole. This is why we endorse an Equal Money System, in one single agreement we could undo our miss-taken stance of separation, with one true real act of compassion for all the parts of Self we would create heaven on Earth for everyone. This takes a while to see, at the beginning of my process I couldn’t even talk about it, it was just so far away from who I was, I had to close the gap between me the problem and me the solution to be able to see Equal Money=Equality as the solution, to see myself no longer as a wreck but a piece of the solution.

I can say is that I am glad I have found Desteni, I know others will walk the same slippery slope of the Illuminati and the New Wold and feel extensive Fear in separation from what exists Here, what I can say is that when we take back the responsibility of this creation the Fears diminish, the Fears are just bells that re-mind us we can’t have our cake and eat it, we can’t believe we are separate and get a good dandy life, because in separation there is misery and suffering and desire to self-abuse and to abuse others in self-interest.

There is only one road back Home, it’s Oneness and Equality, since I met Desteni I don’t feel as lonely as I used to yet I know I am alone and All One and it’s OK, since I met Desteni my Life is no longer a string of sad stories but a realization, that I can make it back Home because Home is Here, I was the one who left to go somewhere else, off into my Mind Make beliefs and fears, going Home is not a destination but a realization, it’s the Here-ness we left behind where all Life has always existed One and Equal.

Here never moved, Here never left, Here is where Life is and I will myself to be Here as Life, Breath by Breath, One and Equal to everything that exists for myself and All existence Equal and One.

Desteni

Equal Money System

Exposing Human Programming : why we buy what we buy, really ?

Today I am still staying at the apartment that is being refurbished, there is no more a kitchen and one bathroom has been demolished and the other not finished yet, somehow it resembles how I feel about myself at the moment, a work in progress but mainly at demolition phase, not so pleasant. I have kept myself busy today spray painting some old iron chairs that were rusty, I like spray painting, usually I spray paint everything in silver colour because I like shiny objects and I like silver more than gold, proof that I am not a reptilian, one good point here 🙂

It’s been interesting to stay here because this house that somehow is mirroring my process of demolition of me, the Ego, has been a humbling experience, living with nothing almost for someone like me who was always so particular about everything is interesting, for 10 days now I have been wearing practical mismatched cotton clothes and pink crocs, which are anatema in Italy as they have been nationally declared the ugliest shoes ever made, so there we go, I am still here 🙂

I have become aware that I shop for value and not for need and so within the Desteni process that I am walking I have decided to see if I can deconstruct the advertisement world and disconnect it from my mind by looking at it mercilessly for what it is, a big fat lie that plays on my and our insecurities and desires to have some experiences or worth through the ‘act of buying’ useless stuff or even when not useless, like food, to buy a story that goes with it.

So, the walls in Milan at the moment are covered with an AD that I found very irritating from the first time I saw it, it still makes me react, Müller – Fate l’amore con il sapore (yogurt) , it says Make love with Taste. The first time I saw it I thought that the woman wasn’t wearing panties, and therefore in that position it must have been a delight for the photographer, this was a weird thought that came up but then I saw that if it came up for me it must come up for others as well,  men too, it is designed to come up, it is designed to connect SEX and a yougurt 🙂 Because SEX sells, so one point that I have started to notice is that many things are sold through images or hints of SEX either in explicit pictures like this one or other more subtle ones or in the sentences that are used to recall pictures in the mind. Personally this one doesn’t do much for me as wanting to buy that particular yougurt but the point of SEX is obvious, I’m not triggered just because I’ve not been sexual for a few months, have given up pornography and my participation within it and so the triggers are not so strong or maybe because she is a woman, not sure, anyway this one is definitely NOT working, if I look at the irritation point I think it’s because I find it somehow offensive, for women, debasing, so I will look into it and apply SF for this reaction because there must be a judgement in me of what is appropriate and what isn’t and this one isn’t.

Then I went and read some forums on advertising, one of the most famous we have in Italy is for pasta, Barilla to be precise, they have hired Young and Rubicam long time ago to do all their spots. Their spots are BIG triggers for me, they always depict happy families, fairytales images of peaceful living next to a windmill, running on grass barefoot within nature, they produce everything, from pasta to biscuits, to bread, to Healthy food with mixed cereals. Their sub brand that manufactures the sweet stuff it’s called the White Windmill, even in the name, WHITE, triggers in me this sense of neat and clean, of ‘proper living’ as life should be, happy people living in a windmill and eating sweet food, big bullshit.

‘where there is Barilla there is Home’

So, HOME, is something I buy into, the idea of belonging somewhere, mother in the kitchen baking biscuits, everything natural, everyone happy.

When I went on the Forum about this particular series of ads depicting ‘happy families’ someone asked in a thread ‘Why is Barilla always using images of Happy families?’ the answers were amazing, just 2 people said because they use what sells, the others said things like “I love to see happy families’ or ‘ would you rather they used the father that beats the mother and the children crying ?’ which I thought was particularly interesting and another said ‘better watch the Barilla happy family than the reality we live in’ and another said ‘would you like to see a divorced couple fighting for alimony instead ?’ and so I saw that I join a long line of people who actually would rather see the happy family even though most of us understand that THIS IS NOT REAL, it’s just that reality and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become simply sucks and we don’t want to face it.

Then I took down some ad key phrases that have become well known in Italy and we all know what they are about:

Adidas (sport wear) – Impossible is nothing

Amaro Averna – Il gusto pieno della vita (digestive – The Full Taste of Life)

Dove c’è Barilla c’è casa (pasta) – Where there is Barilla there is Home

Chivas Regal Il più regale dei whisky – Chivas regal, the most Regal of wiskies (this one plays on our desire to be special, to be regal, above others who are just commoners)

Colgate – Ti spunta un fiore in bocca (toothpaste – a flower blooms in your mouth, which is obviously impossible but with the flower they give us the image of freshness and beauty and desirable, even though the flower is born from manure but this is a detail we all miss within this ad)

Control: liberi di amarsi col cuore (condoms – free to love one another with heart – this one is great, sells both sex and Love in one go, this one is appealing to me as a system)

Cornetto Algida. Cuore di panna (ice cream – a Heart of Cream – so heart = love plus the smoothiness of the cream – appealing)

De Beers- Un diamante è per sempre (diamonds – a diamond is forever, now this is very interesting, with this we buy eternity, the diamond will live long after we are dead, so this plays into desire to live forever, fear of death at a more unconscious level, beating death, appealing)

Elah – La dolcezza cambia il mondo (candies – Sweetness changes the world, this is pretty clear, we buy  into the desire to change the world by eating a candy, which is way easier than having to face oneself in self honesty and self forgiveness)

Chi mi ama mi segua Jesus Jeans – Non avrai altro jeans all’infuori di me

This is Jesus jeans, this ad is old, it became very famous because the Catholic church asked that it be removed as blasfemy which made it even more famous, maybe the Vatican owns the Brand ? 🙂

This ad says ‘who loves me should follow me’ , this ad sells a LOT of stuff, it sells sex, love and Jesus too for good measure, not appealing to me but for sure had its fans

L’Oréal – Perché io valgo (cosmetics) – Because I’m worth it !, They still use this catch phrase, this sells because it appeals to people who have come to accept and believe they are not worthy, like me, so this one is appealing to me the system, always was, still is somehow.

Che cosa vuoi di più dalla vita?  Amaro Lucano – Voglio il meglio (digestive – interesting we make so many digestives,or bitters, obviously we overeat but this is not a problem since we can fix it with a digestive. Digestive are alcholics but they do not carry the same stigma of other superalcholics because they are ‘digestives’ which implys they have a ‘medical reason’ to be and to be ingested, so it’s not an act of indulgence but a proper prescribed ‘remedy’ to help digestion, they are sweet and bitter at the same time, a proper liver tonic :), the ad says ‘What do you want more from life – I want the Best’, this is a very popular take on everything that is sold in Italy, the best, we do everything better, a few years ago we made a tee shirt saying ‘Italians do it better’ so this rings deep at a cultural level, and it’s something we exploit when we go abroad, we take this belief with us, this was actually a belief instilled to make us feel more than others because due to large migration problems after the first world war where we had to go everywhere to simply survive and were seen as the ‘immigrants’and thus felt less than the ones who did not need to migrate we needed a National boost that came in this form, through Fashion and other manufacturing industries we bought into this belief to balance out our belief that we were inferior and had to migrate for survival. I have seen the same beliefs among Irish and Chinese, both migrants population, – appealing to me as the system)

Ci sono cose che non si possono comprare, per tutto il resto c’è Mastercard (credit card – There are things one cannot buy, for all the rest there is Mastercard – very appealing to me as the system for many reasons , one is the fake belief that there are things that one cannot buy, this spells integrity, something we obviously don’t have since Money can buy anything including lives, body parts, people’s dignity and pretty much everything else, second the power of being able to ‘buy ‘all the rest’ I have seen myself feel a thrill when I put the ATM card in the distribtor and money comes out, THAT action is charged all by itself with lots of stuff, including the sheer pleasure of seeing money coming out of a wall, very empowering, so this is a very charged ad for me)

Con Nelsen Piatti li vuol lavare lui (dishwasher soap – with Nelsen Dishes, He is the one that wants to do the dishes, another example of pure bullshit because men in Italy DON’T DO THE DISHES, no matter what brand of dish washing soap one buys, so this appeals to the desire of women that with this brand he actually might, not particularly appealing to me because I have a dishwasher but I can see the trigger clearly)

Nokia – Connecting people (phones – desire to connect and not be lonely and isolated, fear of isolation)

Pirelli – La potenza è nulla senza controllo. (tyres – Power is nothing without Control – this is very interesting and more appealing to men I guess because they are the ones buying tyres, it’s a play on words, because they pretend to mean it that the tyres give you the control over the car but as well they give you Control and Power)

Rocchetta – Puliti dentro, belli fuori (mineral water – clean inside, beautiful outside – clean inside, because we are dirty and then the desire to be beautiful outside – appealing)

Sector – No limits (watches – self explanatory, desire to be able to do anything and everything believing that one cannot)

Una telefonata allunga la vita (Phone company – One phone call lenghtens Life, desire to live longer)

Standa – La casa degli italiani (Shopping Centre – the Home of Italians, playing on the desire for a Home, family and then nationalism)

TIM- Vivere senza confini (Mobile phone company – To Life without boundaries , as opposed to all the boundaries we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live within, so desire for freedom as we perceive ourselves to NOT be free)

Vecchia RomagnaEtichetta Nera – Il brandy che crea l’atmosfera  (brandy – The Brandy that creates an atmosphere, so desire to have a certain atmosphere to live in, a certain lifestyle, not a Life, just a lifestyle)

Vodafone – Life is now! (Mobile phones – playing on our fear that we may be dead so they remind us we are NOT and Life is now – appealing)

Y10. Piace alla gente che piace (car – Liked by the people that are liked – desire to be liked by others, to be among the ones that are liked and not the ones that are dis-liked, desire for value – appealing)

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I am the desire for a home and a happy family that lives in the White Windmill in the middle of nature without a care in the world

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I am the irritation I feel when I see pictures of women used to sell products that I judge as debasing for fear that their debasement is my own debasement reflected back to me

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I’m the desire to be worthy because I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own worth as me as Life

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that Italian products are more worthy than other products because I was told so and never questioned it because I enjoyed being more than others as a manufacturer of better products

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I am one and equal to the thrill I feel everytime I get money out of the ATM machine because I have allowed myself to accept and believe that a human being’s worth is based on its access to the money system

I forgive myself for allowing myself to desire to buy anything and everything with a credit card because being able to use a credit card gives me value

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I’m the value I get by using a credit card instead of seeing that I look for value utside of myself because I have allowed and accepted myself to separate myself from value as me as Life

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that being able to participate in buying gives me value because I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from me as value as Life

I forgive myself for allowing myself to desire to be liked by others

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I am one and equal to the desire to be liked by others

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I can be triggered into buying to give myself value instead I see I can stop myself and see there is no value in buying anything, I will only buy what I need or want as a treat no longer for the purpose of adding value to myself but as self directive principle

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that shopping is a desirable part of life instead I see that Life needs no shopping to exist, Life just is

I forgive myself for allowing myself to desire to buy things that appeal to my fear of death or to my desire to live longer for fear of dying

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I am one and equal to the fear of dying, I am not the fear of dying, I am Life in the process of birthing itself into the physical, I stand, I am Here, I am One and Equal