What is Sex ? Self Expression or Disturbed Role-playing ?

What is Sex ?

My personal experience with Sex has been quite borderline, when I was a teenager I felt I HAD to become sexually active believing that sexually active people were the ‘real adults’ and that when I would be a ‘real adult’ I wold finally have the freedom I was seeking.
Which did not happen.
My first sexual experience was disappointing, it felt like a duty carried out while I tried to fit some mental picture of myself based on the pornographic images I had seen of people having sex. I had found out early that if I looked carefully enough I could find porno in every single Italian home of friends or relatives, there was what we believed to be a ‘sex revolution’ taking place but it was not, it was a porn evolution of our sexuality, from suppressed physical expression to fully expressed and heavily distorted mental expression.
That did not feel freeing either, I had just moved from one desire “to have sex’ to the desire to ‘have sex in a certain way’, obsessing about it occasionally and felt driven to play a part instead of relaxed enough to express myself to just end up exhausted with a feeling of emptiness, like as if I had sex with a vacuum cleaner.
Sex ultimately was never a pleasant experience, it never felt whole, I never felt whole.
What was your experience with sex and why do we seem to ‘be driven’ to have sex and to cultivate a sexual personality to wear immediately prior sex to seduce and entice and inside the bed while playing copycat to pornostars that set unattainable sexual standards of penetrations and acrobatics ?
How come sex and pornography seem to have been pushed to the extreme in the last decade and who is pushing and why ?

Learn more about yourself and why you do the things you do at



Why and how and for what purpose sex became part of the creation-design of the Human-Race

Individual Interview’s Description:

What is Sex – Part One
Did you know that Sex was a deliberate system-creation of and as consciousness dependent on the physical human body to function and exist?

What is Sex – Part Two
Did you know that sexual stimulation from forms, colours and energies evolved with the evolution of consciousness through and as the human?

What is Sex- Part Three
Find out how and why we access quantum-time within and during Sex and what happens in the moment of Orgasm.

What is Sex – Part Four
Find-out how we change, alter and form the human physical body through the Mind and the role that Sex played in the functioning of ourselves, humanity, the heavens and existence as a whole.

What is Sex? – Part Five
Do you know what happened to the Energy of the Orgasm one experience(d) during Sex and where that Energy was directed to within self and the world and why?

What is Sex? – Part Six
Find out how the Unified Consciousness Field – interacted with the Mind and Sex to develop human-(d)evolution.

Where is The Fairness of an Equal Money System if everyone earns the same ?


The ultimate purpose of an Equal Money System is to Equalize Reality to what is Best for All.

It is not the ultimate Goal, it is still a transition to a Money-less world, a transition that has become necessary due to the extent of our mental involvement and perceived value of the Money System itself, in brief, we are just NOT yet ready to let Money go because at the moment everything we have become and have allowed ourselves to accept and believe we in fact ARE, is tied in to Money.

Have a look at your Life, the choices you make, if you CAN make a choice, are Money based, profit based, self interest based, value based, interestingly enough all these words apply to money as well, profit, interest, value, we ARE the Money System itself.

This is WHY we have decided to stand up for Life using Money, as Money has been given the power over our life, over All Life, the power to discriminate, the power to value and devalue, the power to give or take life, this is why we want to use Money as the very Equalizing Tool of Existance.

By giving to everyone Equally, we equalize, we equalize values and interests so that the common Profit can become Life, a Life that is equally valuable for everybody.

Some of us may hold the illusion that we are basically worth more than others, because they are less qualified, because they have studied less, because they are lazier, because they do not contribute Equally to us, but when we look at the very System that created Us and Them we can see that both of Us were born out of a system of Inequalities, that if we were born in Congo or Rwanda we would not have had the choices we had that brought us ahead of the Game.

So, was the starting point of this existance Fair ?

No, it was not fair, we just happened to be born on the “luckier side” of the inequality divide.

An Equal Money System is our Absolution, it’s the turning point of this UnFair Existance, it’s the Tool that we disempower of its current value so that we can reimpower it with a Real Value that works for everybody Equally, it is Absolute because it will consider everyone Equally and it is the only Common Sense Choice at this stage of our Self destruction.

Those that don’t yet see how their every move, and unfortunately every Breath, is tied in with Money and rather fly on Mental Masturbations about ascension and how to manipulate the Matrix, both things I have myself followed with a passion until I met Desteni and was faced with the truth of Me, have not yet looked into themselves thoroughly enough to see how is their own personal participation supporting everything that is going on in this world.

We are not the victim of a system of inequalities, WE ARE The System of Inequalities, this is why we suggest Money as the corrective Tool until everyone will have been given back their value as Life, only when we will be Equal as Life we can rewrite a system that will benefit All, until then we work to re-establish Equality within ourselves, walking backwards the events and choices we made not for Life but for Money, self interest, self value, self upliftement, self grandeur delusions, all EGO needs, so that we may correct ourselves as the System into a System of Oneness and Equality.

There is no one more deserving than another to have Equally, to have Equal value and Equal worth, whatever our profession or our qualifications they won’t be wasted, they are wasted now, where we slave to move the money system in our favour, vowing to one day, when we will have enough, to do something for the good of others…. fact is it’s never enough and never will be, the system is designed to create new desires at every corner to engage us in the Money Game so we may never Self Realize ourselves as Life.

But Life is who we are, one Life, one Breath, just divided and conquered in Our Minds, where we play the game of being more so we may escape the feelings and the fears of being Less.

We are Life, not our thoughts, not our feelings, not our emotions, we are Breath, and in Breath we are Equal and One.

The Fairness of the Equal Money System is the point of deleting everything that has been up to now, take responsibility for how we have participated in this system of abuse and make a radical correction to ourselves and to the Money System that breathes the breaths we have put into it in our Quest to secure our position within the System out of our extensive Survival Fear.

Let’s take our Breaths back, one Breath at the time, until the Money System as it is will no longer exist as we, Breath by Breath take back from it what we invested in it instead of investing in Life.

An Equal Money System, supported Breath by Breath by Life, I am Life, you are Life, join us in Breathing Life into a New System that will consider All Equally and what is Best for All as the only Common Sense Choice.

We are the future, the future is Equality and Oneness, we are pushing it so that All may benefit from it, because it’s what is best for All, it’s what will give a dignified Life to everyone equally, it’s best for You too, you may not see it yet but if you keep breathing, you Will.

Join us.





The Design of Infinity

So, I am back to the apartment that is in the middle of refurbishing after leaving my mum’s home.

My mum’s home is everything fake you can imagine, pastel colours, a fireplace that she had built but she doesn’t use because she would have to clean it otherwise, fake flowers, fake plants, fake cartoon characters that remind her how life is in truth magical and lovely, fairies, little animals from the woods, anything that is not real to support the illusion of ‘Well Being’.

I know I am in the middle of a personal storm, talking to my mum is becoming difficult and an effort, as I used to agree to everything she said, looking for reasons to appreciate our predesigned placement in the world, as the ‘lucky ones’, this is why she resents me at the moment pointing out anything about this system of inequality that I have accepted and allowed equal and one to myself, when I bring this back to self, this is why I resent myself bringing up anything that rocks my sense of having been born ‘lucky’ within a system where luck is rare, I resent the facing of reality that this process is about.

This morning we walked down to the river, we saw a family with 2 retarded children, I didn’t comment because I see I’m on the verge of questioning everything and making everyone uncomfortable along the way and because I still carry guilt for having been the one pointing out how we should ‘always look at the bright side of life’, she was the one saying ‘wow, both children have problems’ I heard the backchat going ‘yes this is your Good God taking care of the details of life for everyone on the planet’ but did not speak.

I spoke instead about an electric central designed at the beginning of last century, she said ‘it’s beautiful’ but I could no longer see the ‘Beauty as an Absolute’ as I don’t know how one century ago people who had to make that happen, like the pyramids, felt about it, is the struggle of some that ‘serve us’ beautiful just because it appeases a ‘beauty sense’ that was programmed into us ? I don’t know, I just said ‘I cannot see ”absoulte beauty’ anymore there are no absolutes but opinions, and I felt I pissed her off when she went quiet and silently annoyed, come on, why don’t I want to play the game of ‘thanks God we are so lucky’ anymore, freaking maddening especially when you see we are REALLY lucky ? 🙂

I had an Ok weekend with my mum, we had a small bickering about her wanting to teach me ‘when is the car’s petrol cap really closed’ and I said ‘it’s not like I have to take a university class, once the cap doesn’t come off, it’s close for me’ but we had to call the petrol cap authority at the petrol station because honestly how can one have the ‘wisdom’ to work out basic stuff like that by themselves ? The authority that puts the approval seal seems to be always needed. It did not blow into the usual ‘out of proportion thingy’ as I’m becoming aware that it’s me just resenting still being taught at 47 years of age, because I allow myself to feel ‘incompetent’ and thus worth less than the competent ones, the petrol cap authorities that can say with the given knowledge: ‘it’s close, you are safe to go’.

As well I discovered I fear heights, we were walking on a bridge with a low handrail and I felt dizzy, this was a revelation because I was used to wear ‘my fearless personality’ for so long that I never noticed I was actually afraid of heights, so applied self forgiveness on this fear and had to wonder how many other fears I just hold and have suppressed and hid under my ‘fearless personality’ ?

I left to come back to Milan, my neighbour called to say she noticed something strange at the door, someone put the cleaning broom under my entrance handle, she called me to tell me this because I asked her back the copy of my entrance keys to give to the workers, she did the exact same thing last year as well, I was not angry because I understand she wants me to be here, in case something happens to her husband who is sick, and because when I was a kid I used to do the same kind of shit so I see where she is coming from, self interest is always overriding what is best for all at the moment, it is for me  at least, so it must be for everyone else surrounding me as well, One and Equal to what I have accepted and allowed One and Equal to me.

When I came home I listened to ‘The Design of Infinity’, wow, the story of not being more than ‘a washing machine’ hit home particularly hard, my mum bought the cheapest Chinese washing machine a few years ago, it cost 6 times less than the Italian or 10 times less than the German brands, but still it does all the washing perfectly and it sings a song once she is done, a Chinese Heavenly song :), she never had to repair it nor had any complains about it, which means one washing machine is one and equal to another, there are no BETTER washing machine but in our minds.

So, being Equal to a washing machine was the lowest point of my day,  read Maite’s blog about ‘this being her last life’  and it was another eye opener, on how I personally struggle with the idea of doing ‘all this’ for something I might not even see and who gives a fuck since I’m just going to die and be deleted, but this is just a washing machine talk and what else could I expect from a washing machine ?

And so this is the challenge, can I drop my washing machine identity, stop living in cycles from cleaning to rinsing and stand up for what is best for all?

Funny thing is I know I can, that there is something inside of me that can do that because I see that my very participation in washing cycles and believing something needs to be washed clean from the Original Sin is what this has all been about, I just resent not having someone leaving a stone to remember me by, to make me special, even after death.

Can I drop my dreams and wants even though noone will ever make a fuss about it, not even me, just because I see that any other thing I do is just meaningless ?

I was once a washing machine with a maid 🙂 My maid thought and believed she was less than me, a washing machine because I was born equal to a Miele, German made, or Ariston, Italian made, the best, by popular belief and she was just a Philipino washing machine, she had no market value, no access to the Money game 🙂

It’s a big step, because some of us believed they were nothing all their life, I thought I was something because there were people who believed to be less than me and I met them and hired them and treated them with ‘equality’ withing the inequality game and kept the CON going.

But this is just the game /design of infinity that I  have kept going one and equal to me, to support my delusions to be more than Life itself, so I could give myself the value of being a better washing machine than the lesser ones that accepted that their value was less than me,  because they had less access to the money system than myself.

I’m hurt by this, my Ego weeps, I had it sweet comparatively, and as my mum always poins out, ‘we are the lucky ones’ so what the fuck are you sour about ?

But I know now what I’m sour about, I’m sour about me, for what I have accepted and allowed to be manifested into existence because of my need want and desire to be more than others so I would not have to be less.

Coming back to Italy has been a challenge, I have become Equal, to all other Italians, there is no longer anything exotic about me, anything to make me more.

My mother was ‘ashamed ‘ of me for the past week end because I look so mismatched, no make up, all colours mixed together, she told me ‘it’s so unlike you’ and today she  even asked me to comb my hair, a total new thing,  because when I don’t -comb my hair-  I make her less than when I do and look neat and tidy, after all when I was ‘more than her’ it was better, she is discovering now, at least she could pride herself of having such a daughter, that could match colours and always look tip top when she could not, facing the ‘lesser me’ is throwing her off balance too.

But there is another way, we could all just will ourselves to STOP, the ‘being less/being more’ game, attributing to each other more or less value according to what clothes we wear, the food we eat, the money we make, the education we have, and remember this, washing machines are not comparing themselves to each other, my mother’s Chinese washing machine is NOT going to the psychiatrist because the German ones have a more positive feedback, she just keeps going and doing what she was designed for, above comparison, a skill we have not yet developed in full.

So, I have to say this, we at the moment are LESS than washing machines as we are still lost within the comparison game, we could start by taking a hint from the washing machines of the world, being Here, doing what is Best for All at all times.

Let’s clean up this mess,  I am an Italian washing machine, you probably are not if you are reading this in English, anyone cares ? 🙂

Then, when we have cleaned the mess we may start again, as Equals, playing a whole different ball game, where Self Expression rules and there won’t be any more racial, religious, national, cultural confinements to tell us what Self Expression is all about.

Join us in the cleaning up at www.desteni.co.za and investigate an Equal Money System at www.equalmoney.org to stop the abuses and inequalities of this world and stand All as One and Equal for what is Best for All.