What is Sex ? Self Expression or Disturbed Role-playing ?

What is Sex ?

My personal experience with Sex has been quite borderline, when I was a teenager I felt I HAD to become sexually active believing that sexually active people were the ‘real adults’ and that when I would be a ‘real adult’ I wold finally have the freedom I was seeking.
Which did not happen.
My first sexual experience was disappointing, it felt like a duty carried out while I tried to fit some mental picture of myself based on the pornographic images I had seen of people having sex. I had found out early that if I looked carefully enough I could find porno in every single Italian home of friends or relatives, there was what we believed to be a ‘sex revolution’ taking place but it was not, it was a porn evolution of our sexuality, from suppressed physical expression to fully expressed and heavily distorted mental expression.
That did not feel freeing either, I had just moved from one desire “to have sex’ to the desire to ‘have sex in a certain way’, obsessing about it occasionally and felt driven to play a part instead of relaxed enough to express myself to just end up exhausted with a feeling of emptiness, like as if I had sex with a vacuum cleaner.
Sex ultimately was never a pleasant experience, it never felt whole, I never felt whole.
What was your experience with sex and why do we seem to ‘be driven’ to have sex and to cultivate a sexual personality to wear immediately prior sex to seduce and entice and inside the bed while playing copycat to pornostars that set unattainable sexual standards of penetrations and acrobatics ?
How come sex and pornography seem to have been pushed to the extreme in the last decade and who is pushing and why ?

Learn more about yourself and why you do the things you do at

Desteni.org

Eqafe.org

Why and how and for what purpose sex became part of the creation-design of the Human-Race

Individual Interview’s Description:

What is Sex – Part One
Did you know that Sex was a deliberate system-creation of and as consciousness dependent on the physical human body to function and exist?

What is Sex – Part Two
Did you know that sexual stimulation from forms, colours and energies evolved with the evolution of consciousness through and as the human?

What is Sex- Part Three
Find out how and why we access quantum-time within and during Sex and what happens in the moment of Orgasm.

What is Sex – Part Four
Find-out how we change, alter and form the human physical body through the Mind and the role that Sex played in the functioning of ourselves, humanity, the heavens and existence as a whole.

What is Sex? – Part Five
Do you know what happened to the Energy of the Orgasm one experience(d) during Sex and where that Energy was directed to within self and the world and why?

What is Sex? – Part Six
Find out how the Unified Consciousness Field – interacted with the Mind and Sex to develop human-(d)evolution.

Why do we Fear Self Honesty ?

I was evaluating the possibility of furthering my education in management and have been looking into the Kaizen system and I was led to this site on lean management where I found this article

“The Psychology of Lean Management

By : Michael Ballé

When was the last time you remember thinking “I was wrong about this”? Yesterday? Last week? Never? Let’s conduct a short thought experiment: force yourself to think of an instance, any instance, where you were clearly wrong. How does it feel? Are you already lining up the mitigating circumstances (anyone would have done the same in this situation / that’s who I am)? Or the upsides (in the end, it’s a good thing that I was wrong because I’ve learned / cleared the air/ made things move, etc.)? If you are, don’t worry: this is perfectly normal and a sign of sanity. Only the clinically depressed are truly honest about themselves.

Psychology-lean-management

I found this astonishing, the last sentence a revelation about a point I am facing regarding my walk of self honesty to see and point out to myself what I need to address in self for-giveness to give myself back to myself so I can start to rewrite myself in alignment with what is best for All.

The reason why I found this quote particularly disturbing is that I like to believe that many are not aware of being dishonest, I prefer this view of the world, I find it a sort of comfort to think that I am a liar and a cheater by my own design and admission but there are others that are not, the world is not as bad as me after all, there is still hope.

This point is particularly relevant because I have been struggling to write lately while I can see I should instead push myself through this point because just in the sentence above I see so many things worth looking at about myself.

First, my desire to still hang on to delusions about the inherent goodness of humanity, this one is a hard one to die as I had made this point a big justification flag for myself and others to not have to change by accepting and allowing within me the beLIEf that we were all good at heart and just got mislead by our history, life, past relationship, culture and religion and within this accepting and allowing myself to believe that change for humankind is actually out of the question, supporting with this mine and others inability to change.

Second the point that I am a liar and a cheater but others are not, they are better than me and this stems for sure from my past acceptance of the catholics beliefs of us sinners of which just recently I heard again one of the prayers we were taught that said ‘My lord, I am not worthy to sit at your table, but if you say just one word I will be saved’, we repeated this bullshit by heart so many times, every day as it was part of our education, so we allowed and accepted ourselves  to believe in ourselves as not only less than the Lord, a belief that I moved with ease from Heaven to earth as every time i heard someone name preceded by ‘Lord’ I would take a step down in the human ladder to make space for the worthy ones, but I believed as well that my words were powerless, which then led me to use them uselessly and carelessly causing much harm while I dwelled in my self-appointed lower rings of the Heavenly and Human race.

Third my desire for hope, I wish I still had some, even now that I realize it is useless it was a good feeling word, I miss the good solace I took for myself from the useless words I invested of the power to uplift me from my self-created misery, I miss love as well, the word charge that is no longer there, the pictures I could sum up in my mind to depict the ultimate state of grace, I am going through a phase of lack of sense in opposition to my more habitual sense of lack.

This article that I found opened up a huge point, which is, not only humanity as a whole is aware of its own dishonesty, systems of management have been written specifically to manage this point, so our acceptance and allowance of our inability to change our devious ways has become an external system of management, we manage our inability to change, basically we have long given up on ourselves and found ways to just cope with what we have allowed and accepted ourselves to believe we are, talk about self-respect, that one must have gone much earlier than our efforts to manage our diminished selves were put in place, if we ever had any to begin with.

If we have come to the conclusion that we are hopeless and unable to change, the last sentence of the paragraph I quoted makes total sense, we came to this conclusion: when you are self dishonest ” If you are, don’t worry: this is perfectly normal and a sign of sanity. Only the clinically depressed are truly honest about themselves.”.

So basically, what I am trying so desperately to avoid when I resist writing is to go into that place, the place of insanity where self honesty lives that makes people ‘clinically depressed’ , because I fear mental problems, because there have been undiagnosed mental problems in my family, because my mother was clinically depressed outside of a clinic and she had a pretty clear view, almost self honest about herself, and because I fear depression, I fear self honesty because I have accepted and allowed myself to connect self honesty to depression.

So, why are the self honest people ‘clinically depressed’ ?

Because in self honesty we have to look at this world, at our creation and no longer having any tangible proof of a messy or merciful God, we’ll have to admit we have done this, we have created this mess and now we rather lie and cheat than admit it and face it because we extensively fear facing our own creation.

Pity we miss out on the point that the burden of responsibility has another face, which is the power to change, the power to decide that if I have created all this, I can change it, I don’t need to be depressed about it, because I was depressed until now and this is exactly what I was lying about, I lied about the fact that everything was good and dandy when it was not, I lied to myself about inequality being just the way the system works instead of asking myself the uncomfortable questions that ended up leading me to Desteni to discover An inconvenient Truth.

But then again, a truth that is inconvenient means nothing, means only that is just no longer convenient to uphold, it was convenient for me when I was looking for the buzz of the good feeling trip through the world, but now that I have given up the importance of good or bad feelings and emotions (not the practice completely but walking toward it) I no longer need the convenience of a Truth that is not True.

The truth is we are Creators, no matter what role we are apparently playing in this world, we are all Equally responsible for it, we say that Equality doesn’t exist yet on this planet but in fact it exists already in our common shared responsibility for our creation, it exists because we and our creation are both Here, waiting to meet, we are already Equal in responsibility, we just need to acknowledge that to become Equal in the Power to change it and then the step to Equality on Earth won’t seem so far away to walk anymore.

Equal Quality for All Life = E-Quality, when Equality will become a manifested reality we’ll have to rewrite our management systems to match the Human Beings we will become, if we take away the controls we had to design to overcome our dishonest nature, which now constitute up  to 60% of the Lean Management theory, we will be left  with a real Lean management practice !

We can change, we can decide to stand up for Life and realign to What is best for All, because what is Best for All is ultimately best for each one of us !

If you are interested in understanding more of what we are doing at Desteni, visit our website at

Desteni.org

support the Equal Life Foundation and an Equal Money System at

Equalmoney.org

To learn how we were created and then created ourselves into what we are today check out

The Structural Resonance was a mathematical geometrically equated structural design which manifested as the systems which beings had become.

Veno explains: What is structural resonance and how are you able to assist yourself, working with it?

This video-series consists of 9 video-interviews:

  1. The design of humans by Annunaki and other races
  2. The development of unconscious, subconscious and conscious mind
  3. Relationships and subconscious mind development
  4. Conscious mind development and system parasites
  5. Mind-control, implants and preprogrammed life
  6. The conscious mind, thoughts and personality activation
  7. Relationships and subconscious mind development
  8. The secret of self-support
  9. The secret of self-direction


Exposing Human Programming : why we buy what we buy, really ?

Today I am still staying at the apartment that is being refurbished, there is no more a kitchen and one bathroom has been demolished and the other not finished yet, somehow it resembles how I feel about myself at the moment, a work in progress but mainly at demolition phase, not so pleasant. I have kept myself busy today spray painting some old iron chairs that were rusty, I like spray painting, usually I spray paint everything in silver colour because I like shiny objects and I like silver more than gold, proof that I am not a reptilian, one good point here 🙂

It’s been interesting to stay here because this house that somehow is mirroring my process of demolition of me, the Ego, has been a humbling experience, living with nothing almost for someone like me who was always so particular about everything is interesting, for 10 days now I have been wearing practical mismatched cotton clothes and pink crocs, which are anatema in Italy as they have been nationally declared the ugliest shoes ever made, so there we go, I am still here 🙂

I have become aware that I shop for value and not for need and so within the Desteni process that I am walking I have decided to see if I can deconstruct the advertisement world and disconnect it from my mind by looking at it mercilessly for what it is, a big fat lie that plays on my and our insecurities and desires to have some experiences or worth through the ‘act of buying’ useless stuff or even when not useless, like food, to buy a story that goes with it.

So, the walls in Milan at the moment are covered with an AD that I found very irritating from the first time I saw it, it still makes me react, Müller – Fate l’amore con il sapore (yogurt) , it says Make love with Taste. The first time I saw it I thought that the woman wasn’t wearing panties, and therefore in that position it must have been a delight for the photographer, this was a weird thought that came up but then I saw that if it came up for me it must come up for others as well,  men too, it is designed to come up, it is designed to connect SEX and a yougurt 🙂 Because SEX sells, so one point that I have started to notice is that many things are sold through images or hints of SEX either in explicit pictures like this one or other more subtle ones or in the sentences that are used to recall pictures in the mind. Personally this one doesn’t do much for me as wanting to buy that particular yougurt but the point of SEX is obvious, I’m not triggered just because I’ve not been sexual for a few months, have given up pornography and my participation within it and so the triggers are not so strong or maybe because she is a woman, not sure, anyway this one is definitely NOT working, if I look at the irritation point I think it’s because I find it somehow offensive, for women, debasing, so I will look into it and apply SF for this reaction because there must be a judgement in me of what is appropriate and what isn’t and this one isn’t.

Then I went and read some forums on advertising, one of the most famous we have in Italy is for pasta, Barilla to be precise, they have hired Young and Rubicam long time ago to do all their spots. Their spots are BIG triggers for me, they always depict happy families, fairytales images of peaceful living next to a windmill, running on grass barefoot within nature, they produce everything, from pasta to biscuits, to bread, to Healthy food with mixed cereals. Their sub brand that manufactures the sweet stuff it’s called the White Windmill, even in the name, WHITE, triggers in me this sense of neat and clean, of ‘proper living’ as life should be, happy people living in a windmill and eating sweet food, big bullshit.

‘where there is Barilla there is Home’

So, HOME, is something I buy into, the idea of belonging somewhere, mother in the kitchen baking biscuits, everything natural, everyone happy.

When I went on the Forum about this particular series of ads depicting ‘happy families’ someone asked in a thread ‘Why is Barilla always using images of Happy families?’ the answers were amazing, just 2 people said because they use what sells, the others said things like “I love to see happy families’ or ‘ would you rather they used the father that beats the mother and the children crying ?’ which I thought was particularly interesting and another said ‘better watch the Barilla happy family than the reality we live in’ and another said ‘would you like to see a divorced couple fighting for alimony instead ?’ and so I saw that I join a long line of people who actually would rather see the happy family even though most of us understand that THIS IS NOT REAL, it’s just that reality and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become simply sucks and we don’t want to face it.

Then I took down some ad key phrases that have become well known in Italy and we all know what they are about:

Adidas (sport wear) – Impossible is nothing

Amaro Averna – Il gusto pieno della vita (digestive – The Full Taste of Life)

Dove c’è Barilla c’è casa (pasta) – Where there is Barilla there is Home

Chivas Regal Il più regale dei whisky – Chivas regal, the most Regal of wiskies (this one plays on our desire to be special, to be regal, above others who are just commoners)

Colgate – Ti spunta un fiore in bocca (toothpaste – a flower blooms in your mouth, which is obviously impossible but with the flower they give us the image of freshness and beauty and desirable, even though the flower is born from manure but this is a detail we all miss within this ad)

Control: liberi di amarsi col cuore (condoms – free to love one another with heart – this one is great, sells both sex and Love in one go, this one is appealing to me as a system)

Cornetto Algida. Cuore di panna (ice cream – a Heart of Cream – so heart = love plus the smoothiness of the cream – appealing)

De Beers- Un diamante è per sempre (diamonds – a diamond is forever, now this is very interesting, with this we buy eternity, the diamond will live long after we are dead, so this plays into desire to live forever, fear of death at a more unconscious level, beating death, appealing)

Elah – La dolcezza cambia il mondo (candies – Sweetness changes the world, this is pretty clear, we buy  into the desire to change the world by eating a candy, which is way easier than having to face oneself in self honesty and self forgiveness)

Chi mi ama mi segua Jesus Jeans – Non avrai altro jeans all’infuori di me

This is Jesus jeans, this ad is old, it became very famous because the Catholic church asked that it be removed as blasfemy which made it even more famous, maybe the Vatican owns the Brand ? 🙂

This ad says ‘who loves me should follow me’ , this ad sells a LOT of stuff, it sells sex, love and Jesus too for good measure, not appealing to me but for sure had its fans

L’Oréal – Perché io valgo (cosmetics) – Because I’m worth it !, They still use this catch phrase, this sells because it appeals to people who have come to accept and believe they are not worthy, like me, so this one is appealing to me the system, always was, still is somehow.

Che cosa vuoi di più dalla vita?  Amaro Lucano – Voglio il meglio (digestive – interesting we make so many digestives,or bitters, obviously we overeat but this is not a problem since we can fix it with a digestive. Digestive are alcholics but they do not carry the same stigma of other superalcholics because they are ‘digestives’ which implys they have a ‘medical reason’ to be and to be ingested, so it’s not an act of indulgence but a proper prescribed ‘remedy’ to help digestion, they are sweet and bitter at the same time, a proper liver tonic :), the ad says ‘What do you want more from life – I want the Best’, this is a very popular take on everything that is sold in Italy, the best, we do everything better, a few years ago we made a tee shirt saying ‘Italians do it better’ so this rings deep at a cultural level, and it’s something we exploit when we go abroad, we take this belief with us, this was actually a belief instilled to make us feel more than others because due to large migration problems after the first world war where we had to go everywhere to simply survive and were seen as the ‘immigrants’and thus felt less than the ones who did not need to migrate we needed a National boost that came in this form, through Fashion and other manufacturing industries we bought into this belief to balance out our belief that we were inferior and had to migrate for survival. I have seen the same beliefs among Irish and Chinese, both migrants population, – appealing to me as the system)

Ci sono cose che non si possono comprare, per tutto il resto c’è Mastercard (credit card – There are things one cannot buy, for all the rest there is Mastercard – very appealing to me as the system for many reasons , one is the fake belief that there are things that one cannot buy, this spells integrity, something we obviously don’t have since Money can buy anything including lives, body parts, people’s dignity and pretty much everything else, second the power of being able to ‘buy ‘all the rest’ I have seen myself feel a thrill when I put the ATM card in the distribtor and money comes out, THAT action is charged all by itself with lots of stuff, including the sheer pleasure of seeing money coming out of a wall, very empowering, so this is a very charged ad for me)

Con Nelsen Piatti li vuol lavare lui (dishwasher soap – with Nelsen Dishes, He is the one that wants to do the dishes, another example of pure bullshit because men in Italy DON’T DO THE DISHES, no matter what brand of dish washing soap one buys, so this appeals to the desire of women that with this brand he actually might, not particularly appealing to me because I have a dishwasher but I can see the trigger clearly)

Nokia – Connecting people (phones – desire to connect and not be lonely and isolated, fear of isolation)

Pirelli – La potenza è nulla senza controllo. (tyres – Power is nothing without Control – this is very interesting and more appealing to men I guess because they are the ones buying tyres, it’s a play on words, because they pretend to mean it that the tyres give you the control over the car but as well they give you Control and Power)

Rocchetta – Puliti dentro, belli fuori (mineral water – clean inside, beautiful outside – clean inside, because we are dirty and then the desire to be beautiful outside – appealing)

Sector – No limits (watches – self explanatory, desire to be able to do anything and everything believing that one cannot)

Una telefonata allunga la vita (Phone company – One phone call lenghtens Life, desire to live longer)

Standa – La casa degli italiani (Shopping Centre – the Home of Italians, playing on the desire for a Home, family and then nationalism)

TIM- Vivere senza confini (Mobile phone company – To Life without boundaries , as opposed to all the boundaries we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live within, so desire for freedom as we perceive ourselves to NOT be free)

Vecchia RomagnaEtichetta Nera – Il brandy che crea l’atmosfera  (brandy – The Brandy that creates an atmosphere, so desire to have a certain atmosphere to live in, a certain lifestyle, not a Life, just a lifestyle)

Vodafone – Life is now! (Mobile phones – playing on our fear that we may be dead so they remind us we are NOT and Life is now – appealing)

Y10. Piace alla gente che piace (car – Liked by the people that are liked – desire to be liked by others, to be among the ones that are liked and not the ones that are dis-liked, desire for value – appealing)

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I am the desire for a home and a happy family that lives in the White Windmill in the middle of nature without a care in the world

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I am the irritation I feel when I see pictures of women used to sell products that I judge as debasing for fear that their debasement is my own debasement reflected back to me

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I’m the desire to be worthy because I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own worth as me as Life

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that Italian products are more worthy than other products because I was told so and never questioned it because I enjoyed being more than others as a manufacturer of better products

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I am one and equal to the thrill I feel everytime I get money out of the ATM machine because I have allowed myself to accept and believe that a human being’s worth is based on its access to the money system

I forgive myself for allowing myself to desire to buy anything and everything with a credit card because being able to use a credit card gives me value

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I’m the value I get by using a credit card instead of seeing that I look for value utside of myself because I have allowed and accepted myself to separate myself from value as me as Life

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that being able to participate in buying gives me value because I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from me as value as Life

I forgive myself for allowing myself to desire to be liked by others

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I am one and equal to the desire to be liked by others

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that I can be triggered into buying to give myself value instead I see I can stop myself and see there is no value in buying anything, I will only buy what I need or want as a treat no longer for the purpose of adding value to myself but as self directive principle

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe that shopping is a desirable part of life instead I see that Life needs no shopping to exist, Life just is

I forgive myself for allowing myself to desire to buy things that appeal to my fear of death or to my desire to live longer for fear of dying

I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept and believe I am one and equal to the fear of dying, I am not the fear of dying, I am Life in the process of birthing itself into the physical, I stand, I am Here, I am One and Equal