gaboexpression

What do we really know about life? Since the beginning of the appearance of the humans in this world, we have tried to answer this kind of questions, What are we?, Who am I?, Where are we going?. Well lets us begin with this questions as the basis of our very existence, lets start by looking at the first one: What are we?

Now, before you start claiming our physical conformation based on atoms, quarks, substance, etc…; Yes, it is indeed what we are as the human physical body one and equal with the physical that is this world, this universe, but i want to begin with the part that is constantly and continuously exploring, expanding itself as an unconditional expression, unfortunately you have been suppressed by certain specific systems that, if you are already walking the desteniiprocess, you must be already aware of the simple point that is self…

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2012: Why did I decide to walk with Desteni

I have asked this question to myself several times, especially at the beginning of this process, mainly because I perceived process to be a chore, something that would have taken everything from me in terms of commitment and application, something that, coming from a Catholic, background, I first associated with atonement, penance self-flagellation style and I resisted it with a passion (passion=suffering :)).

The first reason that brought me to Desteni was FEAR, I had developed an utter Fear for this reality realizing that nothing was what it seemed and that the awakening was not at all what it was cracked up to be, the awakening was just waking up to the utter abuse and destruction that was going on in this world, starting from myself.

My first post on the Desteni Forum said “do you people realize how much Fear you are spreading with your message ??”, and I meant it in CAPITAL LETTERS, because this is what I felt when I found them, I had woken up in a reality that was far from Love and Light, I had tried to slide back into my positive thinking stance unsuccessfully and then Desteni, after hearing their message at first I even went to a Shaman, to try to take their message out from me, like a curse, I had been cursed into self responsibility and now the curse – and not my refusal to stand up -was eating up my Life.

In one clear sentence, I moved into Desteni with much resistance, NOT to the message but to the task, I hated the idea of having to become Self responsible, first because I was not even close to believing I could EVER be a Self Responsible being, second because so much of me was invested (and so much money was spent) in support of utter bullshit that made me feel good that I perceived Desteni would be my undoing, in terms of stability, I perceived that while I had always walked the thin line of crazy, if I did join them that would be it, I would turn into a total nutter.

The first reply I got from one of the people on the Forum was ‘ we are NOT spreading Fears, Humanity has been living in fear forever, we are merely pointing this out’, don’t shoot the messenger…

But I knew different, when I would listen to Bernard’s vlogs, his voice scared the shit out of me (only later I saw he literally scared MY fear/shit OUT OF ME), it’s interesting to look back now because I kept going back for more, some of his messages I couldn’t even understand, it was like I lacked a common sense vocabulary to HEAR what he was really saying never mind understanding the purpose of why he was saying what he said in such a passionate way.

I brought my polarity mindset all the way into Desteni, I would listen to Bernard and get scared shitless and utterly terrified and then I would listen to Sunette Spies and find some balance again, it was like the bad cop good cop game, one gave  it to me typhoon style, the other helped me pick up the pieces after the devastation I perceived in the post-Bernard moments, at the time Sunette was almost always expanding on the brief shocking vlogs of Bernard and I found I wanted both, the shock and the leniency of the aftershock.

I pushed myself to go through the material, I had already realized I was a system and many of my studies were in that direction, in fact a specific direction, why a system can’t change, what is the driving force behind all of this existence, because I could actually see myself switching personalities and being driven into action, words, thoughts by them, I was a car at full speed with no one at the driving seat.

Not to talk about Equal Money, in fact at the beginning Equal Money was my biggest bugaboo, I didnt’ understand it, I didn’t see how it could be possible, I just received it as a mere wish to put on my wish list of unattainable things.

One day I read on the Forum ‘you cannot understand Equal Money without Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty’, this too took me a while to place into a contest I could first understand and then experience.

Given my background brainwashing I carried huge resistance for the ‘Self Forgiveness ‘ approach, I read everything offered about it, I tried to clear the Self Forgiveness tool through self forgiveness, but the lists of Self Forgiveness on the Forum looked disturbing, like self-flagellation in action, exposing all of yourself for a life review for which you took the blame, for which you declared how faulty and disgusting you  had been. I joined in, I had my own list to share, it felt humbling and even humiliating at times, I was nowhere close to ‘feeling good’ through process even though by then I had understood that feelings and emotions were polarity expressions of the Mind, I still longed to feel good because ‘feeling good’ had been my driving quest for over 20 years, this was a bit of a hard habit to kick but the freer I become from feelings and emotions the more stable I perceive myself, no longer on the swing from feeling bad to feeling good, what a bloody relief !

It took me a while to understand Self Forgiveness in itself, in general I can say it took me a while to understand the process because it’s only recently that I got it as a point I have actually walked into through self directing myself to just STOP for real, and that’s when I got it and saw some changes because it was never about the blame and about self-flagellation, nope, that was what I was doing before process, it was about standing up and stopping it all, Self Forgiveness  was the delete/reset button of the system, for-giving me back to me from the separation I had allowed and accepted as me, because it was such separation that made me sick and self abusive, because separation implies you don’t want to take back ALL of you into you and correct it, because you still hold extensive judgements about Yourself that you have not yet forgiven, integration and wholeness  cannot happen in self judgement, self forgiveness was the self judgement/others judgement removal tool, it was to clean the slate for real, so I could rewrite on a blank slate who I want to be, what I want to support, what do I stand for.

As well self forgiveness gave me a tool to stop abusing myself and others, a tool that I am still using because as a system much in me is still automated in the process of being corrected, at the beginning of this process I made a few miss-takes, I had just switched polarity, I went from an absolute positive thinker to a lousy negative wreck, looking at myself like if I were the scum of the earth until I realized, I have not yet left the building, the Matrix, it’s about getting out of this construct as me, the Mind, because within the Mind I exist ONLY in polarity, there is no chance for me to wrestle my mind to the ground, I have to embrace me, not what I thought about me, not what I believed about me, but embrace me the thinker, the emotional reactor, embrace the separation until it dissolves and I can equalize myself inside with the outside.

Just recently process has become easier for me, I finally got it, it’s the very opposite of self-flagellation, it’s about stopping the self-flagellation by for-giving myself and from there start to walk self honestly no longer in self-interest but with a leading principle, to consider all existence, One and Equal to myself. I can say looking back that this was what self honesty and self forgiveness did for me, they made me realize how much hate I had for myself, for the way I lived and the words I spoke and my interactions with others, only when I saw it exposed clearly I could begin to stop.

It’s about stop believing that I am more because I feel less or feeling less and then desiring to be more, when I breathe and I am Equal to everything and everyone else, the struggles fall, the mind tantrums stop and I catch a break, and it’s in these breaks that I caught because of what Desteni taught me that I have started to Breathe again. Literally.

The reason why I stuck with them is because even when I was a demented addict I could not discount their message, it’s so simple, give what you would like to receive, embrace all Life as You and you will be All Life, One and Equal, what’s there to NOT SUPPORT in the Message of Equality?

Ultimately I stuck with Desteni because nothing else made sense, if the message doesn’t include Oneness and Equality it  cannot be real, if we are One we must be Equal, if we are Equal we must be One, all the other teachings are just lip service to the religion of self in self-interest and in separation from everything that exists.

So for those drawn to Desteni that fear like I did about what you will lose, what you will have to give up, the answer is NOTHING, NO THING you will give up was ever real, NO THING you will give up was ever useful and best for all, in fact those were the very things that kept us enslaved, separation is a bitch, it’s through separation that we got where we are today, if we had remembered our Oneness and Equality we would have never done to each other what we did.

Some parts of us are struggling and suffering, it doesn’t need to be this way, we can give ourselves back to ourselves to become the whole that is One and Equal to Life, the suffering must stop inside each one of us, the wars, the conflicts, the blame, the hatred, when we begin to realign to what is best for all we stop all delusions of separations and we HEAL and the world Heals one and Equal to us.

Equal Money is just the next common sense step, it was born out of looking for a way to uplift the One and Equal with one strategic common sense move, giving Equal Access to Money, the Living God that grants access to all resources, to everyone Equally, it would be the fastest easiest way to accomplish this because the infrastructures are already in place, it’s the source/value of the Money system that must change, when Money Equals Life and Life becomes the Capital that invests in the planet that’s when real change can happen, profit won’t be based in self-interest anymore, profit will be what each of us will receive for our investment in Life One and Equal, we will all live in abundance and we will be proud of the world we will have built and will leave behind.

Don’t leave Money to your children and your loved Ones, leave them a Better World, that is Real Love in Action that considers the Best for All in Equality and Oneness.

Support the practical solution that will bring all the pieces back together, Stand up for Life One and Equal.

Desteni

Equal Money

Eqafe

Is Inequality only in the Eye of the beholder?

A must read to support ourselves to leave behind the delusions that ‘misery’ is only a perception, this year we’ll have 1 billion people ‘perceptually’ dying of famine, we can stop our self serving delusions to support all Life Equally with Equal Money.

Equal Money for ALL as LIFE

 
Response to Patrick van Gompel


“Hello Marlen. No, I wouldn’t say that looking at starving people is inequality. To me, it is the eyes that are looking that make it unequal. The mind judges it to be unequal, the event doesn’t.


What exactly do you mean with equally supported? Is this humans only (by humans)?”

Following the explanation on how we as humanity have created a comfortable and convenient – only for some – illusion as a set of values in separation of ourselves, we see how we have seeped this make believe system through language which became the way that we built this entire world system, a system with a foundation and starting point of separation from who we really are as life. We can deduce from this that it is the mind that creates the inequality perception while beings/ things just ‘are’ and ‘exist’ equal and one…

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SEX: THE NAKED TRUTH

I have been listening to the Desteni Sex Educational MP3, I can only say WOW, I never found so many precise, detailed and on the spot (no pun intended) info on sex in my life, nothing has ever come close to this which should be mandatory education in school, since it ties in with everything including our creation of which, unfortunately, we still know very little, if we exclude each one personal speculations and explanations based on hear-say at best of how we came about and why.

I was raised a Catholic, boy oh boy do they mess us up with sex and their views and ideas about it, one puzzling thing was why God designed sex as a forbidden pleasure, like having a kid sitting in front of the soccer field while a game of his peers is going on and forbidding them to play, not cool. Was God insane ? A sadist ? A power hungry bipolar lunatic ? What if God had nothing to do with what the Church said ? What if forbidding sex was just a way to build up desire ? What if it was all part of the plan to fuck with us and then once we took it on we just kept the fucking with ourselves going ? What is sex and why if God didn’t like us doing it he didn’t come up with another way for procreation, like planting seeds in the garden and have a child grow from the ground up just to be picked when ready to be dressed up and sent to kindergarden ? Why was sexuality hidden between our legs as something to cover up and be ashamed of ? Why nobody spoke openly about sex and why all the sex related words were unspeakable ? Why sex words were enough to arouse people, was it because they were kept secret ? Why was sex the big secret of existence ? Why we couldn’t wait to grow up to have sex as a way to affirm our adulthood ?

When I was growing up and for some years I had so many questions about sex starting to why I would perceive myself moving into a particular personality just before and while having sex. At one point I gave up trying to understand, there didn’t seem to be any answer to my questions.

The questions I wondered about that no one could answer (until this series by Desteni) were:

  • Why are we attracted by someone in particular and by the way, why all these people have common points, where is my taste for sex partners coming from ?
  • Why is there a moment during sex when I feel that it’s penetration time, like it can’t wait any longer ?
  • Why is the orgasm called ‘the small death” in French and why do we feel like we pass out and our heart is stopping in some specific moments during sex ?
  • Why do we want more and more sex once we start ?
  • Why do we meet people we just want to have sex with and nothing else and if we don’t want to have anything to do with them, why have sex at all, why can’t we stop ourselves from having sex sometime with people we don’t really like and we already plan to dump just afterward ?
  • Why some days or in particular moments we feel we want/need to have sex for no apparent reason ?
  • Why with some sexual partners as soon as the sex is over we want to get rid of them ?
  • Why is there a moment in sex when you want the whole body of your partner inside of you even though after orgasm you want some of them out of your sight ?
  • What is the orgasm and why we experience it if the sexual system was just a reproductive organ ?
  • Why is it difficult to experience orgasm at the same time with the partner (unless the woman fakes it ♥ :)) ?
  • Why is there a feeling of physical exhaustion after sex ?
  • Why was porn created, was there a particular reason for the design of porn ?
  • If we are just energy/light and information in a quantic soup, how is sex even possible, what is the Real design of sex and why it was designed within a holographic reality – if this reality is in fact holographic in nature – ?

These and many more answers in this un-missable series by Desteni, fasten your seat belt, Kansas is going bye bye 🙂

Why and how and for what purpose sex became part of the creation-design of the Human-Race
Individual Interview’s Description:

What is Sex – Part One
Did you know that Sex was a deliberate system-creation of and as consciousness dependent on the physical human body to function and exist?

What is Sex – Part Two
Did you know that sexual stimulation from forms, colours and energies evolved with the evolution of consciousness through and as the human?

What is Sex – Part Three
Find out how and why we access quantum-time within and during Sex and what happens in the moment of Orgasm.

What is Sex – Part Four
Find-out how we change, alter and form the human physical body through the Mind and the role that Sex played in the functioning of ourselves, humanity, the heavens and existence as a whole.

What is Sex? – Part Five
Do you know what happened to the Energy of the Orgasm one experience(d) during Sex and where that Energy was directed to within self and the world and why?

What is Sex? – Part Six
Find out how the Unified Consciousness Field – interacted with the Mind and Sex to develop human-(d)evolution.

there are other 4 parts to get the whole story, check them out at Eqafe

Eqafe

2012 The LOA and the Illuminati led me to Desteni

My story of how I came to Desteni is a bit convoluted because I started as a staunch follower of Abraham Hicks and the Law of Attraction and for years I had disciplined myself to ‘think positively’ and to repress and suppress the negative thoughts – because they never really, went away, buggers – and I used Pot as well to push them down deeper because I wanted so much to believe the story that the Universe is a loving place and we were given an emotional guidance system as a sign of such loving force.

I had to battle a few common sense questions at the beginning which were: if this is the Truth of reality, why doesn’t everybody know about it, why is it a Secret, why don’t we teach it in school and now to the hungry people so they can get food and whatever they need ?

Through ‘my belief’ in the Law of attraction I had some success, at least I believed it was because of the LOA and not by my personal investment, obviously the system is designed to reward happy slaves and not grumpy ones, so by my ‘forced happiness’ I managed to get myself good jobs and a good life while I kept at bay all my friends with a ‘negative attitude’ in fear to be contaminated and having to lose the touch of Grace that I had with much struggle, built for myself.

This was another point that I questioned about existence, it seemed to me that everyone had had traumatized  lives, when everyone would participate in what Carolyn Miss defined as woundology, the wounds of the others never seemed so much better than mine, so this other question of an existence of suffering was something I suppressed because I could not find a logical answer to this, why would a loving Universe have people born and traumatized, really, what was the point that I was missing ?

The teachings of Abraham anyway always made sense to me, I made them make sense because they did  in fact make me feel better, by uplifting me out of my own responsibility for this world, One and Equal to me, I embraced the belief that we all came to experience something Here in a kind of  ‘Game’  just to have all the views and first hand experiences  of existence first hand so to speak and that was it, then back to Heaven.

Four years ago I left my well paid job in Asia and went to live on a tropical island in Thailand, I had two main objectives, one was to heal myself from my crippling addiction and underlying never died depression for which I self medicated with Pot, the other was to understand reality, as well I said to myself, now that I had mastered the LOA I would multiply my money and then I would be free to do whatever I wanted, I wasn’t a bit interested in ‘other people’s experience’ because as Abraham said, their life is ‘their Pie’ never mind what other people decide to put in ‘their Pie’, you mind  your own Pie’, and so I -conveniently- did.

Of all of the Abraham teachings only one thing stood out for me one day, when Abraham said that when we desire something it’s already there 99% of it, we just need to align to make the 1% missing step to get it. This puzzled me extensively because I saw that, if this was true, what did He mean ? But he had explained that what he meant was that the Universe knew better than us what we truly wanted and had already prepared it there for us, we just had to align with it. Still, this sentence stood out of all the teachings as an ‘anomaly’.

When I was on the island I quit Pot and relapsed and quit and relapsed and went on like this for 3 years, every time I relapsed I fell harder into oblivion, it was clear that I had engaged a self destruct mechanism somehow and I just wouldn’t let it go, I wrote lists of my excuses to smoke Pot, did chanting, went on  marijuana Anonymous Forums, took a drug coach from the UK for guidance but the Pot call was always the strongest, I didn’t want to exist, I longed to obliterate myself into non-existence as soon as I could, no matter how many ‘positive thoughts’ I indulged in a day, the hole was always there, ready to swallow me.

This hole was like a black spiral, when I was a kid I faced it every night just before falling asleep, I would feel myself slip away spiralling into the black hole and many times I had to open my eyes and grab the bed trying to not give in to the feeling of being sucked into nothingness.  Me and the black hole had become quite close quite soon in my life experience.

So, during my stay on the dream island I set out to study,  I studied everything I could find on addictions, molecular nutrition, theories about vitamin deficiencies, the unconventional routes and the very unconventional ones, I listened to all the channelers to see if anyone had any clue of why I was such a wreck, At one point I bumped into Bashar as well who said ‘that everything you may think of or desire already exists somewhere’, oh boy, there we went again, so now the doubt of this existence as a maze in which I could only pretend to move and make choices came up again, if I wasn’t really free to think up something or imagine it from scratch because it already existed, where was my creative power all these love and light channelers were bragging about ? Then I was not a creator, I was a human magnet, attracting to myself experiences already thought up and designed in detail by someone else, while others, the poor bastards – as one of my friends boss used to call the ‘ less fortunate’ -, they would have to take the crumbles of our first class choices.

Polarity bothered me, when they introduced the concept of the Quantum Field, where everyone saw this amazing infinite creative power, I saw the limitation of a field, a cosmic soccer field, where everyone was kicking each other around,  limited by the definition of ‘field’  itself, a field cannot be infinite come-on, you can have a very big field, an extremely big field a gigantic field but not, ever, an infinite one, infinity cannot be defined by a field because it’s infinite = not  finite !

Meanwhile wasted time went on, I was using up my money because I was sure I could manifest truckloads being I was soo positive, I would say the right words to everyone at all times, but there was a piece missing about my interaction with others which was my secret mind I could say ‘you look lovely’ and leave out the ‘BITCH” part that went on in my head, in fact the more I wanted to be positive and see only the good, the more my backchat became vicious, I was ashamed of the thoughts that went on in my mind but consoled myself thinking that everyone had them, it was normal, important is to not engage them suppress them deep enough –    which is  like trying to wrestle a thought into the ground for the win, an impossible feat – and you will be fine.

The money wasn’t manifesting though, this was annoying because I had gone to the tropical island with much fanfare about my manifesting a grand future for myself, instead I was living like a shameful recluse pissing my money away and drowning deeper and deeper into my Pot addiction with no solution in sight.

At that time I spent extensive hours on the net, mainly because I was unable to do anything else except going for treatments to all  the island healers trying to keep my elusive balance just enough to be able to exist.

I bumped onto a video of Sunette/Desteni the first time 3 years ago, it was about Demons, it scared the shit out of me and I felt sorry for this girl/boy who was obviously possessed, and moved on.

My researches led me to see that there was something terribly wrong going on with the world that I had never noticed in the years I was away on the Love and Light Cloud, I discovered that cancer cures were suppressed , that our water was fluorinated not for good health but as a poison, that the mercury in our teeth was poisonous to the brain, that the GMO foods whose life cycle chains had been broken lacked nutrition, that sugar and aspartame affected the brain, that vaccines were deliberately contaminated, all of these things came up one after the other until the picture of this world looked so bleak that I wanted to die. it was not just the story, it was the thought that someone BIG must have thought up and designed a sort of  plan against humanity, because these could not be coincidences, one can poison the water by mistake, but not everything we have to use daily including the air, it was the deliberateness of it all that felt disheartening, what had humanity come to for Money ?

While I kept watching you tube for answers each point I opened was worse than the previous one and then I bumped onto a video called ‘who killed Michael Jackson’, it kept coming up until one day I watched it.

That video opened up the whole Illuminati New World story, the satanic worshipping, human sacrifices of children by the Elite, Satan in the Vatican, the Secret Societies, slowly I was paralyzed by fear , because when the story of MK Ultra and Mind Control and Michael Tsarion opened up, I still believed it was about other people out there, people they had access to, the Army, Hollywood, pawns used to harm and deceive but still the magnitude of the design left me feeling minute and powerless and alone, who the fuck would believe this and why is this going on while we are sleeping, why are we sleeping ? Are alcohol and Pot just some other sleeping tools, least we wake up and see how far we have gone into self-destruction and destruction of everything around us ?

At that point another video of Sunette popped up, it was the channeling of Anton Lavey, I had just read about him, because by that point it was clear to me, we were in Hell and nobody knew, better check with the demons worshippers and demons channelers to see what the fuck is going on.

When I watched the first video of Sunette that I could follow to the end,  I realized while she talked about breathing that I could barely breathe, it took me some time to overcome the initial shock and many videos to overcome the Fear because the puzzle completes only ‘when you watch whole of the damn material’, until then the pieces here and there can add to the confusion and to the feeling of hopelessness of this design (so watch the whole damn material before making up your mind).

I had understood that the Matrix was real, not a loving Matrix like the people of Matrix Energetics teach, nope, it was a terrifying web of deceit and lies, everything that I had learnt in my life was a Lie, this was quite a hard story to swallow.

It took me a few months to stabilize, I am quite new to the process but I can say that without this process and the information Desteni provided I would have died either of shame or of Fear or both.

Instead I managed to quit my Pot addiction using Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty and walking this process supporting myself with the example of others that had walked before me and had made it out of their self-destructive behaviours. I am working every day at stopping my participation within me as the Mind and stopping my reactions and blame games by bringing what bothers me back to myself as something I need to address by digging into the root cause of the design to deprogram myself. And I am learning to Breathe, would you believe that we can’t Breathe until someone comes along and points it out to us. I had never really breathed until I met Desteni, never breathed as Me as Breath.

Now I have learnt that all that exists is Self and I am learning how to bring back all the pieces of this broken world to me as me and give myself back to myself, obviously along the way into our creation we made a few miss-takes and we ended up in this pit of suffering and abuse in which we walk around like amnesiacs in a stupor. But we can correct our miss takes by becoming One again, and from that Oneness learn to give Equally to all the parts of ourselves that we have neglected and abused in our race to be winners and in our search for happiness as an experience of ourselves in separation from the whole. This is why we endorse an Equal Money System, in one single agreement we could undo our miss-taken stance of separation, with one true real act of compassion for all the parts of Self we would create heaven on Earth for everyone. This takes a while to see, at the beginning of my process I couldn’t even talk about it, it was just so far away from who I was, I had to close the gap between me the problem and me the solution to be able to see Equal Money=Equality as the solution, to see myself no longer as a wreck but a piece of the solution.

I can say is that I am glad I have found Desteni, I know others will walk the same slippery slope of the Illuminati and the New Wold and feel extensive Fear in separation from what exists Here, what I can say is that when we take back the responsibility of this creation the Fears diminish, the Fears are just bells that re-mind us we can’t have our cake and eat it, we can’t believe we are separate and get a good dandy life, because in separation there is misery and suffering and desire to self-abuse and to abuse others in self-interest.

There is only one road back Home, it’s Oneness and Equality, since I met Desteni I don’t feel as lonely as I used to yet I know I am alone and All One and it’s OK, since I met Desteni my Life is no longer a string of sad stories but a realization, that I can make it back Home because Home is Here, I was the one who left to go somewhere else, off into my Mind Make beliefs and fears, going Home is not a destination but a realization, it’s the Here-ness we left behind where all Life has always existed One and Equal.

Here never moved, Here never left, Here is where Life is and I will myself to be Here as Life, Breath by Breath, One and Equal to everything that exists for myself and All existence Equal and One.

Desteni

Equal Money System

Life After God

From Marlen an interesting read about “Life after realizing God doesn’t exist and I’m the Creator of this reality For Real”

MarlenLife's Blog

“Is feeling nothing the inevitable result of believing in nothing? And then I got to feeling frightened – thinking that there might not actually be anything to believe in, in particular. I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain alive for decades and not believe in or feel anything.” – Douglas Coupland

This is a quote from the book ‘Life after God’ which I deemed to be one of my favorite books. After a while, I simply made the title my favorite part of it as this process has been in fact the realization of myself getting rid of any form of belief in a ‘god/ superior being’ and the religion I had created as myself and my own mind filled with limitations, fears and a certain angst toward reality, seeking a way to ‘save myself’ from what I deemed some type of ‘Earthly punishment.’

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